The Beautiful Cayman Cindy

My New Blog

2010-10-28T10:44:00.002-04:00

My words and my pictures have a new URL 'home'. You can find that site at:

http://livelifeinwonder.blogspot.com/

See ya there!

Because My Last Post Was Not So Beautiful...

2010-10-27T20:57:00.004-04:00

Just wanted to replace the first post that pops up on my blog from sad to something that will certainly bring a smile.

(And for the record, I am doing good. Thanks for listening while I vented a little for a day.)

This morning at Cayman's PlayGroup she got dressed up in her Halloween costume (duck) and went around to various of staff's offices and trick-or-treated.

She loved it! And so did I! This weekend we will do it again but in more traditional style - outside, door-to-door, and Daddy will be there! Good times!

(Mike titles this video "That's quacktastic!")

Desiring Some Simplicity

2010-10-26T09:26:00.006-04:00

It's been really busy. A near constant on the go, trying to keep up with the list of calling responsibilities on our plate right now.

I am tired. I feel a bit stressed and perhaps weary could be thrown in there too.

I have struggled to keep up physically. Pregnancy slows me down several notches.

I feel frustrated.

I have disappointed people. Emotions run high through me because of that. I know nobody is perfect but still, I hate disappointing.

I have been in a lot of pain. My back is not happy with the load of a growing baby pushing on it from the inside and an ambilatory dependent toddler carried on my hip.

I feel my eyes well up with tears when I look at the growing pile of medical bills and do not know how this situation is going to turn out for us financially.

Stress has a way of bringing out character flaws in us. My husband has been so forgiving. I do not know what I would do without him. He has had to deal with a woman that has very unpredictable and very strong emotions. And he's done it with such grace. It is a gift the way he balances me. In turn it encourages me to grow.

I have had very little time for anything pertaining to just some ME. I miss my hobbies.

I feel Jesus take my face gently into his hands and direct my worrisome eyes back to Him, remembering to "Be still and know that He is God." {Psalm 46:10}

So today, as best as I can, I am going to be still. I am not going to chatter thoughtlessly. I will remember I do not have to defend myself and make sure people think of me the way I want them to (I'll start that today by actually pushing the 'publish' button to this post). I will remember that there was only One person that ever walked this Earth that was declared perfect. I will be more forgiving of myself. The Perfect One is. Today before I make decisions I will listen carefully for God's 'voice'. Today I am not going to be tossed around by anxiety or fear. I will live in stillness.

This is Me.

Right now.

Kind of scattered.

Very real.

Eye Patching

2010-10-22T09:33:00.008-04:00

A little over two months ago Cayman saw her eye doctor. Her prescription glasses were not helping to restore the vision loss in her right eye. Orders were written for us to start patching her left eye for three hours a day. By blocking out her vision in her strong eye (the left one) forces her right eye to work and hopefully enabling it to get stronger, reversing the vision loss. If patching is not successful in reaching this goal surgery-talk will come up. Bleh!

Eye patching has been an adjustment in this household.

Cayman hated it strongly in the beginning, who's to blame her. I hated it. Who can blame me.

Once the patch was on, next comes the glasses, which she also hated. Then a few weeks later hearing aids were introduced to her. Oh my goodness! Can I just be honest and tell you that I found myself overwhelmed with emotion from all of this. I slapped a speech onto myself one morning trying to bring reassurance to my soul, "It's not like it's a shunt failure. You can handle this. It's not so bad. Cayman will adjust to it."

It was a fighting routine that I could not let slip between the cracks of everyday life, even though I felt the temptation to. Both Cayman's sight and hearing depended on it. It was not an option not to carry out this routine.

I am convinced that Cayman was convinced I was torturing her everyday though by making her wear this stuff. Again, it's that fine balance as a mother that I feel between stern and gentle.

I would sing her favorite songs {Itsy Bitsy Spider, The Wheels on the Bus, etc.} while I put all this 'stuff' on her each morning. For the most part the songs kept her mind distracted from what I was doing as well as kept those adorable, independent hands too busy to pull all the 'stuff' off.

Now, 5 months later of glasses wearing, 2 months later of eye patch wearing, and a little over a month later of hearing aid wearing, I can say it's all going so much smoother.

Cayman has survived the adjustment to all this 'stuff'. {And so did I}

23 Weeks

2010-10-19T14:19:00.012-04:00

Yesterday was another OB appointment for me. I am now 5 month, or counting by weeks, I am 23 weeks along.

Our baby boy continues to be very active making the doctor chase him around with the doppler ultrasound to check on his beating heart, which was in the 140's. It still sends my mind swirling over this type of 'normal' and how very unusual it is to me. I call my appointments "boring" although hearing that little heart living away inside of me is anything but boring. The rest is boring - waiting for my name to be called, getting a weight, blood pressure, peeing in a cup - you know just the regular stuff.

But only the regular stuff this time.

It's such a different experience. To be expecting a child without planning all the extra medical care and concerns is...well you can say it's heart calming. It really can and is happening for us. I still soak in that fact each day over the blessing that it is. And I continue to ask God to protect that blessing.

It also emerges me even deeper into the gift I was given on my first trip - my Cayman. She is this precious miracle in our lives. I will never forget the distress, grief, and confusion that became so familiar to me when I was pregnant with her. I had learned that my unborn child had a serious and very likely fatal birth defect and if she did survive we would be burdened by the work of raising an extremely handicapped child. Descending through the long hallways of the hospital after my OB appointments with Cayman felt more like a bad dream than real life itself. But I could not wake up from it. I could not escape it. I could not change it. It was our reality.

Now I walk those same hallways again, my faithful Mike still at my side, this time pushing Cayman in her stroller, with another little one on the way. Different thoughts roll through my mind than the time before. I can still remember the numbness, the pain, the agony that consumed my thoughts. So many prayers I breathed in those hallways begging God to change it. "Fix her Lord". "Take the diagnosis away".

Walking away from the OB clinic yesterday I hooked my arm into Mike's as I reflected on that time before. I fell deeper in love with him. The hardship we faced over Cayman's diagnosis never made him bitter. He allowed it to cultivate a tender growth of love and sensitivity toward life. Watching him become a daddy in a NICU setting taught me something about security and the amazing person that he is.

As we continued to walk toward the parking lot yesterday, together - our little family of four, I glanced down and my eyes stopped on Cayman, my little living-away-loving-life Cayman, and I smiled. She has changed our world. I have come to fully realize that I do not regret for one moment that I experienced all that heartache when I was pregnant with her. For it's made the joy of the miracle that she is all the more sweeter. It has grown the capacity for which I can feel the gift of a healthy baby.

Cayman's diagnosis did not crumble my world like I thought it would [once upon a time]. On the contrary, it has built it up and unveiled my eyes so that I can see more clearly how to treasure the gift that each day is. I don't think that comes naturally in life. Sometimes pain is the best teacher to help us learn that. It gives us the opportunity for self-discovery and growth to take us into a deeper knowledge of appreciation for the simple things.

I never doubted that God was always with us in every grim OB appointment. I did question where He was in it all. Like a foggy fall morning I couldn't see then but I do now. He was working a blessing into our lives far more dreamlike than we could imagine. We call her Our Beautiful Cayman Cindy. She is our sweet little blessing that came to us just as He wanted her to be. I didn't understand that in the beginning. There was much I did not understand back then. But I know now and not just intellectually but by heartfelt experience every day how beautiful this life is that God has written for me. What did I ever do to be so blessed like this? Surely I am not deserving. God's love astounds me in the many ways He lavishes Himself on me. I see it every day in my husband. I see it in my little Cayman. I see it in the miracle of the life that is growing inside of me.

There is a sweet privilege and finesse I feel over my two children. Experiencing these two miracles of life in such very different ways.

The Remodeling Continues

2010-10-17T22:42:00.009-04:00

The remodeling changes are getting to the point of intense fun. It was definitely fun right from the start, but now it's even more. The real changes are beginning to take shape. Where before the vision of the rooms were seen only by our mind's eye, now we are standing in the very tangible sight of our new morphed space.

If you remember it started out as...oh wait, you probably do not remember because I never captured a 'before' shot of the rooms. Oops.

(below photo) This is looking into the 3rd bedroom of our house, which will become our little boy's nursery. (this is the best 'before' shot I have)

That doorway leading into the extension room off the third bedroom was remodeled to completely divide the two rooms from each other.

There is Lindsay and Mike closing in the open doorway. Mike is the one in red (like I really had to tell you that) and Lindsay I promise next time to capture your better side. :)

Abracadabra and *poof* the doorway disappeared!
An extra layer of insulation was installed between the newly divided rooms to help sound proof them. And the reward of the day goes to the person who came up with this awesome idea which would be Mike, the one patting himself on the back right now. :)

I am such a lucky girl to have the best drywaller in town in my home for this part of the job. (spp, that's my dad). So it sounds a little biased I know and it may be but it is also the absolute truth. And before he lectures me on writing such stuff I better just add that he's retired from the drywalling business so don't call on him. He claims he's getting too old for this stuff. ;)

All those above pictures were from the nursery's side. Now I will take you completely around to the other side of the newly enclosed wall to show you the progress in my massage office.

It went from this...

To this...

And now to that...

It is all ready to be painted!!

Then all that's left is:

putting on the doors
and the rest of the trim
a little bit more painting to those areas
install new flooring (for those wondering minds, "No we are not keeping that plaid carpeting!)
and the final decorating touches (details, I'm all about the details. Now if only I can convince Mike that our budget is too *wink wink*).

Like I said, very exciting changes!!

"Look at Me!"

2010-10-16T09:58:00.002-04:00

Last week I wrote an entry about Cayman's therapy and all that she is learning. As well as what she has regressed in - walking.

The subject of her resistance to walking with her walker swirls in my mind. There is a balance between firm and gentle with my Cayman that feels fluid most days to me. Can she understand? Will she learn our support is unconditional while we push her to do the things she does not want to do, such as learning to walk? Or is this the time to be more gentle because pushing will create a total turn off in her desire to learn? Does her resistance mean she's not ready for it yet? Or is her reluctancy a sign that she needs the push that will ultimately lead to her confidence?

There will be steps forward and there will be steps taken back (no pun intended). It's a natural occurrence of life. It's important to know that the ebb and flow can’t happen when you’re standing still though. Like riding a bicycle, you can’t learn how to balance by reading a book about it or waiting until you are sure you can do it perfectly before you try.

And so I push Cayman to try the things that she is strong enough for and during it I continue to learn balance between firm and gentle. Balance between pushing and pulling back. To one day "hear" those beautiful words "Mom, look at what I can do!". I have heard it before on my Cayman's face. The glow of her smile, the sparkle in her eyes and my heart feels every beat of her unspoken voice, "Mom, look at me. Look at what I can do!"

I "heard" it when she reached out and grabbed a toy all by herself when she was 4 1/2 months old.

I "heard" it when she held her head up for the first time at 5 1/2 months of age.

I "heard it when she learned to sit all by herself at 18 months.

I "heard" it in her clapping the other day when she fit the puzzle pieces together correctly.

And I "heard" it again yesterday when I pushed through her resistance (a hard thing for me) and watched her regain her confidence to walk with her walker. :) *insert a proud smile*

"Mom, look at what I can do!", I "heard" her say through the laughter in her voice and the sparkle in her eyes.

And for that I push.

This post is getting a bit wordy this morning for all that I am basically trying to say is:

Look at her! Look at what she did yesterday!!

(background noise provider by Mike, Dan, and Lindsay - my team of men building my new massage office for me) :)

The Good, The Bad

2010-10-14T14:27:00.001-04:00

The Good and the Bad of things...

The Bad: Learning that anything pertaining to hearing is not covered by our insurance policy. All hearing tests and devices that were ordered and performed for Cayman - not covered. Thousands of dollars are expected of us. It's been a horrendous week as we sort this out, reminding ourselves that God has been faithful before and He will be again.

The Good: Learning impertinent information that should resolve most of the emergency room visit claims that were denied coverage. Thousands of dollars will be paid in full.

****

The Good: Applying for a financial aid program that is available in Ohio. If we are accepted they will help cover some of the cost in Cayman's medical care pertaining to her hearing needs.

The Bad: In order for this program to pay for her otolaryngology and audiology care, the providers have to be in Ohio. So we will be leaving her old ear doctors in Michigan that have been over her care since she was in the NICU to find trust in new doctors. A lot of apprehension I feel over this.

****

The Bad: Hearing aid batteries dieing quickly. I change them out about once a week.

The Good: Sending Mike out on an errand to retrieve more batteries one evening this week and him returning with several packages that were on sale!

****

The Bad: Cayman needing a certain type of eye patch and that has not been easy to find in our tiny town. Nearest big city is 45 minutes away. Not a convenient drive for an item that we need so frequently. Or we have the option to special order them locally for more money.

The Good: A different local drug store started stocking them and for $2 cheaper than the special order ones. Oh this simplifies in so many ways.

****

The Good: The Antique Road Show is in town. Well not my town but one that is close by. I have some antique Cat Andirons I would love to find out more about for selling purposes. It's the perfect opportunity to do just that.

The Bad: I am trying to find the time to squeeze this into my already incredibly busy week.

****

The Good: Baby is getting bigger with movements and kicks a lot stronger. The bond between us is growing to be something so tender and tight.

The Bad: My back is not adjusting well to the changes my body is going through as I grow in size.

****

The Bad: Remodeling projects are expensive.

The Good: This current project will allow for a second income for us as the room is being remodeled for my new massage office.

****

The Bad: A stubborn second year molar breaking through slowly for Cayman resulting in lots of crying, neediness, and clinging.

The Good: My busy toddler settling down long enough for some cuddles. The good feeling in my heart when those arms reach out wanting to be picked up. The good feeling around my shoulders when she snuggles in tightly.

****

The Bad: Worrying over Cayman's medical needs that are not covered by our insurance.

The Good: Remembering God has been faithful before and He will be again.

****

The Bad: Facing some fears and insecurities of mine head on. Never fun.

The Good: Growing deeper in my understanding of God's love for me.

22 weeks pregnant

The Sippy Cup

2010-10-12T08:00:00.000-04:00

It's still not her favorite. A foe more than a friend most days. A bottle is what she likes best. She lucks out in getting pushed to make the full transition between the two. I choose not to force it because of her size. She's a peanut. Not even reaching the 1% mark on the weight charts. I sneak extra calories in her day through her bottle. She'll drink them right down with no complaints. I have learned a bottle is discouraged in the eyes of some if the child is past the age of one. Wow that seems young. Her pediatrician objects that I still have her on a bottle. I say: She's only two. And if a bottle means the difference in keeping her maintaining, gaining, and healthy then I'm just happy that such a simple solution works, regardless of her chronological age. If only all things pertaining medical to her could be fixed this easily. Let's just enjoy this feeling of simple.

Day 1: Bedroom 3 & 4 Remodeling

2010-10-11T22:37:00.008-04:00

An entire closet has been removed. A once solid wall has been cut and a new door way exists now - all in order to turn this 3 bedroom house into a 4 bedroom one. What a slick improvement that is!

Things evolved so quickly today I did not get in there and capture before pictures. This very low quality picture (below) from our realtor is all I could find of a before photo of the rooms.

The first portion of this room is what I call the 3rd bedroom and the doorway through there, the extension room off the 3rd bedroom, is what we are turning into a 4th bedroom.

The 3rd room will become the nursery. And the 4th bedroom will be for now my massage room allowing me to be able to work from home. So ideal!

First step was to remove the closet in the 4th room.

Again, I do not have a better before photo than this (above). This was taken on our walk through of our house before we bought it. But there on the right side you can see the closet doors. They stretched all the way across that wall. We tore those out and a new doorway was cut into the wall of that now non-existing closet.

{After today's renovation work}

A new closet will be built to the left of the new door way. And the opening on the right will be, in the words of Mike, "deleted." Can you tell he's more of a computer geek than a constructionist?

*insert a big grin here*

All this makes us so happy.

What's behind Drawer Number 1?

2010-10-11T10:39:00.001-04:00

"You don't possibly believe that I opened up this drawer all by myself and took out all these clothes, do you Mom?"

Cayman has discovered drawers and doors and cupboards...oh my!!

Thinking, Smiling, Planning, Dreaming

2010-10-10T23:25:00.002-04:00

It's one of those nights when I cannot get my mind to shut off.

I should be sleeping. I need to be sleeping. I know this. For morning comes faster these days with all the extra sleep my body craves while growing a baby. But tomorrow is an exciting day for us. We will finally take our months of talking plans and put them into real action on the nursery makeover.

I have mentioned before that in our house there are three bedrooms. In the third one there was an addition added on once upon a time that is sort of like a fourth bedroom but really it's just an extension of the 3rd bedroom since you have to pass through it to get to the 4th part.

Our plans are to finish off the wall between these two rooms completely separating them from one another. Then in the alcove of our foyer we will create a new door which will be the fourth bedroom's entrance. Obviously construction will not be done respectively. The new door will be cut first and then the wall will get filled in.

I'll share pictures later and then my description will make clearer sense.

We will have the absolute best help at achieving all this master mind construction that goes far above our knowledge (I know how to hammer a nail, that counts for something). The same contractor that moved my sister's garage will be here helping us. I could not be any happier about having him in our home even if he was Ty Pennington himself. His sidekick helper (a.k.a. my brother-in-law) is going to be helping too. "Thanks Dan!"

So what the heck, I am just going to lay here relaxing over a sudoku game played on my Ninetendo DS and allow myself to feel giddy and dream, soaking in the excitement I feel about being one day closer to finishing my little baby's room. Sleep will come eventually. And this feeling I have in my heart, I never want to forget.

You know, it's pretty much amazing being able to plan a nursery and to have one available to provide. For so many different reasons.

Feeling so thankful for my blessings.

Therapy

2010-10-08T06:00:00.003-04:00

I was thinking, when was the last time I wrote a post about Cayman and her therapy sessions? It's been awhile.

Could it possibly be as far back as May when I posted to show off her improved abilities in walking with her walker.

The continual improvements in that area came in small leaps. She slowly built up her endurance and could walk farther with each month but still too weak to actually push the walker by her own strength.

A little over a month ago she surprised us one day when we let go of the walker and Cayman pushed it all by herself with champion steps taking her a whole two feet all by her own strength!

That's my girl!

By that next week she was up to five feet!

And I did not take a single video of it!! (I know, *gasp*, *gasp*!) I was too busy cheering to hold a camera steady.

Almost a month ago Cayman stopped, completely wants nothing to do with the walker now. The very site of it upsets her. She kicks her feet struggling to get out of our embrace if we carry her toward it. And if we push through her struggles (I know, what meanies huh) she ends up in tears. Poor little sweetheart. This reaction makes me think she is afraid of it. I have only seen this kind of behavior in her when we have approached animals too close for her comfort level. But I have no idea why she would feel afraid. She has not ever fallen while using the walker. Far as I know from my objective point of view there was no negative encounter with it. If anything it was quite the opposite of an experience. The more she progressed in walking independently with the walker the more excited Mike and I got, with cheers and so many hugs and kisses. She loved the attention - giggling the whole five feet she could push the walker before she tuckered out. Oh how I wish I had it on video. The very memory of it makes me smile, the way she was so happy and silly while walking all by herself (with the walker of course. It felt like she was walking all by herself because we were not pushing the walker along while she took her steps). Happy things.

And now the walker makes her so sad. I wish I could understand why.

She kind of followed this same pattern of regression with independent sitting as well before she fully conquered it.

Someday she will get there, in walking. In her own time. And in her own way.

The walker is still around, visible if she wants to see it. But we don't push the issue. Once in awhile I get it out and put it in the center of the room and leave it be. Most of the time Cayman crawls around it, ignoring it. A few times she has approached it to push it forward and backwards while sitting down or standing on her knees. But if I dare sneak in and try to help her stand up to it the struggles begin.

This is the part of parenting when I wish my child came with a manual. Is it a stubbornness that we should push through and keep forcing the issue of the walker? I know she is strong enough to do it. Yet that doesn't feel right to me. I know my little Cayman and I am going to stick with my gut feeling and not push it. I feel confident that she will get there someday, in walking. In her own time. And in her own way. Pushing it will only make her more resistant and create a negative experience out of something as beautiful as the gift of walking.

But there is one more Mommy-trick I have been doing, this subject is not completely a closed matter. An approach to this from a different angle so's to speak. Since Cayman loves watching videos on my laptop, we sit together and watch the videos I took of her at therapy back when she did walk with her walker. We point together. I narrate the happenings out loud to her, "Look Cayman, there is you and Miss Jodi. And you're walking. Look at Cayman walking! You go, go, go!! So big!" I'll say with an enthusiastic smile. Cayman usually smiles back and watches intently.

Like I said, in her own time. In her own way. She'll let us know when she's ready. And I'll be sure to get a video of it this time. :)

The update doesn't stop there.

There is progress in other areas and one big one happens to do with walking. Yes I did type that correctly and no you did not misread it. Sounds contradictory I know. While Cayman has regressed in walking with a walker she has progressed in walking along (side stepping) a bench at therapy and at home it's the couch. I have a video of that posted below. Also in the video you'll see Cayman giggling and babbling into a toy microphone. That's another huge improvement for her. She's been mimicking [some] sounds and taking turns to produce purposeful noises into the microphone is new as of just this week. And the last segment in the video you'll see Cayman swinging. That's her favorite part of therapy. In fact, it's so much fun to her that the swing is taken down and hidden out of site before the therapy session begins. We have learned this little trick keeps her more cooperative and focused if all that swinging fun is not hanging there distracting her. Then it's brought out at the end as her perfect reward system for working so hard.

Happy viewing...

Mysterious Tree Thief

2010-10-07T10:00:00.001-04:00

I rarely walk on the other side of our backyard's fence. There's nothing much there. Just some more yard, trees and more landscaping stuff that needs tore out and redone. I love our house. Really I do even though I feel overwhelmed by all the improvements it needs and I dream of what it would feel like to move into what realtors call a 'move-in' ready house, with everything already done. But there is a sweet side to having a house that needs personal touches and some TLC. It's fun dreaming up the changes. When one project is finished it feels extra good to Mike and I.

On one side of our fence, it's a rather beautiful journey. First step over our bumpy tree roots and some more ground vines and you reach the far back side which is lovely. There is more open yard there belonging to us and if only click, drag, and drop worked outside of photoshop I would stretch the fence to enclose this part of the yard too. Having it blocked off feels like a waste of a yard as it is right now.

And do I dare admit that I am a peeping neighbor? I love to sneak a look around the back side of our fence and gaze into my neighbor's backyard. They have beautifully pruned evergreens surrounded by some of the greenest grass you have ever seen and mulch that is a deep clay red. So pretty!

I have told Mike, "Let's just tear out this fence." It would be the perfect view from the stretch of windows across our family room's wall that opens to the backyard. Plus without the fence we would have even a wider area out there for playing.

Wall of windows overlooking our backyard.

Someday we might just get ambitious and tear that fence out. But there is bonuses to have a backyard fenced in too. So maybe not. We're still teetering on the idea.

It had been awhile since I went on my little walking, peeping journey to the other side of our fence. So a few weeks ago Cayman and I lifted the latch and opened the gate.

"Where you going?" Mike called out to us.

"Just walking to go see the pretties." I told him.

Mike joined us.

As were walking, I said, "It looks different over here, doesn't it?"

Perplexed Mike responded, "Yes it does." Pausing for a moment then he blurted out, "WHERE'S OUR TREE?!"

I looked a little to the left and there was a stump.

A whole entire tree of ours is gone. Weird huh.

We didn't cut it down. We didn't order to have it cut down either. We had thought about it once when Mike learned that that tree kept him from being able to get The Dish.

We have tried to solve this mystery, thus far turning up no answers.

Dear Mysterious Tree Thief,

We don't mind at all that you took our tree. We were not too attached to it anyways. We would have appreciated a little heads up about it. And if you would like to come back and take the stump as well that would be really peachy. Oh and there are two more trees you can have. Just don't send the bill to us and we'll call it even.

Together Moments Captured- a Gift to be Cherished

2010-10-06T06:00:00.010-04:00

I've said it before, but it still remains true, there are just some pictures even when blurry that will never be worthy of the recycle bin. When they capture the happiness, when they capture the moments that feel beautiful to me, they will always be keepers. Always. In my heart and in my hard drive.

{photos taken September 2010}

The Back Yard

2010-10-05T06:00:00.005-04:00

We have a lovely backyard. So much potential lies back there. I see it as a place to relax in someday - eating supper outside on the patio (when we build one), watching the children play on their swing set (when we get one), roasting marshmallows in the fire pit (when we buy one).

So many, many glamorous ideas we have for our backyard.

But first things first. We have to claim it as our own.

You see, something else has taken over our back yard and has been "owning" it long before we moved in.

Ground vines...

They grew everywhere!

Along the fencing.

Along the house.

Up the house.

Even making their way under the siding.

Not good. Not at all.

In my opinion there was nothing pretty about their appearance. They looked messy, icky, and were a huge habitat for bugs. Even the professional exterminator could not fully manage our bug issues. My dear sweet Mike has been back on laundry duty while I recover from the trauma of my one-on-one encounters with spiders in our dungeon of a basement (hey, it can't all be as pretty as our refinished hardwood floors).

It was time for the bug kingdom to be removed and finally claim the backyard as ours.

And hopefully those nasty bugs will not find our house to be so attractive to snuggle up with anymore.

That's my dad in the photo. He brought with him all his big, fancy tools to help us conqueror this massive job. Dad did most of the work, bless his heart. Mike had himself some fun with a chain saw (in case you were wondering, nobody got hurt).

I was busy trailing after a really cute toddler that I did not get back out to the roadside to capture the final photo of the pile. It had grown to more than double this size.

And here's some before's and after's...

I don't want those beautiful window panes to be covered up ever again. Imagine what an improvement this change has made from inside the house as well, peering out those windows. It feels so spacious and bright now. It's also made me realize how dirty my windows are. Eek.

Bare and plain is what our landscaping will likely be for awhile (you, know the whole financial thing?). But you know what else, bare and plain has me smiling rather contently right now. I love having all that overgrown stuff gone! My once jungle of a back yard is now a fresh, clean slate. "So much scope for the imagination", as Anne would say. What will it become next?

This feels good to me.

"Thanks, Dad for your help!"

Sleeping

2010-10-04T14:00:00.001-04:00

Does it ever get old watching your babe sleep?

30 months later and I am still there.

A work day at our house...

2010-10-02T21:49:00.004-04:00

that has left me smiling.

more to come...

Date Night

2010-10-01T17:03:00.003-04:00

It's Friday evening.

Mike and I are going out. Just us.

The community theater is putting on a play. Anne of Green Gables. You might have picked up on the little detail before about how much I love Anne of Green Gables. It's not really Mike's sort of thing. And I even gave him the option of not going. His mother and I would go together instead. But no, he said he wanted to go...to be with me.

Awww.

I know, be still my heart.

But then I thought.

And then I bursted the sweetness by putting a stipulation on it, "Now if you go you have to promise not to crack any sarcastic remarks about any of it no matter how chicky it seems to you."

:) :) :)

He smiled at me tenderly and said, "No hun, we're going to be kindergarten spirits tonight."

WHAT???

A smirk came to my face as I realized what he was trying to say. "Um, I think you mean kindrid spirits, sweetheart."

Nesting is in Effect

2010-09-30T09:40:00.014-04:00

If you're going by most of the photos I share you might think my house is beautiful and always organized.

And with a laugh I would say, "Yep, you're right." :)

But then I would have to reveal the truth, and the truth is my pictures are a little deceptive. I choose to share the pretty parts of our house. The parts that have the hardwood floors finished and sparkly new in appearance. The parts where the wood trim is freshly painted and the walls breath modern color back into this 1947 house.

But there is so much more to it though. So many areas that are not glamorous but actually right down ugly. The exterior condition is probably the worse part. And on the inside there is so many more areas that need attention and updating too. This sort of thing requires a whole separate budget of its own which we have not had. We have been reeling a bit financially from an unexpected summer of many expenses. Thank God for Mike's stable job and even feeling thankful for the head-ache pain of insurance because without it, it would be worse. So much worse. And thanking God also that we booked our vacation this past summer before all these hospital episodes took place. I would have promptly put my foot down and resisted the idea when Mike said, "Let's go on vacation." And you know, vacationing is one of those things that's easy for me to put off for reasons like the busy-ness of life, or not enough money, or feeling too stressed to wander further away from the most trusted hospital we know. But it's also easy to regret later on. There is value in getting away as a family and experiencing more of the world than just our own little corner of it where we live.

Many of the things Mike and I dream of changing in our house has had to wait though. And that's okay because it teaches a certain level of patience and contentment which I need to learn. It opens my eyes to see what's really important. There are days when I have failed miserably at it, feeling as though I am a five year old kid in a candy store stomping their foot because they cannot have all that they want.

Now we are expecting another little one. I am still soaking in that exciting news. It's miraculous to me and many of times I have wondered if we would ever have the privilege of being in the very spot that we are right now. I am in awe.

Preparing for a baby does not come cheaply. My mind was swirling when I sat down and tried to figure out how to "make it all work" (ever been there??). Then God made my head spin pertaining to all His {always} faithfulness. It's unexpected, need meeting, humbling, securing, and over the top faithful.

Looking over my To-Do list of things to get done before the baby arrives I knew our budget would not allow for them all to be completed. Typically that's the part where my 5 year old foot comes out and stomps in frustration. But I did not. Not this time. I want change. I want a better attitude. Christ has been helping that to happen in my life. So I paused, reflecting on all that is really important beyond beautiful rooms, organized closets, and a welcoming curb appeal.

I looked at my list again, circling two tasks that felt of highest priority to me and that which we could afford right now.

Baby's closet
Cayman's closet

Our house has three bedrooms. When we moved in, bedroom number three became use for storing office supplies and other misc. items. That is all getting moved out now to make room for our new little bundle of joy that will be arriving in less than four months...yikes! Gotta get busy. And busy is exactly what I have been.

I took written inventory of what is currently being stored in what will become the baby's room. Decided on what can be stored in the basement and what needs to find a new place in our home. Had a fun afternoon of coming up with budget-friendly creative ideas. Two books shelves placed on each side of my desk with attractive, affordable office bins from Walmart to hold all the supplies. Feeling comfortably blessed when I went online to Target and found the collection I purchased my desk from is currently being discontinued so the matching shelves were on sale with a promotion of free shipping. {Faithful. He is always faithful.}

Later that afternoon when I ordered the shelves Mike emailed me telling of a mistake that had occurred in his paycheck and we would be getting re-inburst in the amount that was nearly to the exact dollar of what those shelves cost. {Faithful. He is always faithful.}

To utilize a closet's space at its best potential a person needs to make use of the space all the way up to the ceiling. {That's fancy HGTV talk right there for ya}. In order to do that shelves are needed. Well most of the closets in our house lack shelving. Do you remember my broom closet post? It's just like that. The disorder of the 'before' broom closet is exactly what Cayman's closet has been. And oh it's frustrating. It was a terrible task taking out toys to play with and putting them away. Everything would just get stashed in on top of each other.

So I pulled everything out of Cayman's closet. Sketched the blue print layout including its dimensions. Sketched another drawing of a closet system that would accommodate for both clothes racks and shelves {a tricky thing to figure out when the closet is "T" shaped}. Took the drawings to Lowe's to figure out how to get this "custom" idea accomplished. Found a pre-made system similar to my own drawing that fit {nearly} perfectly in her closet for less than half the price than the custom made one. {Faithful. He is always faithful.}

The condition of Cayman's closet before.

Before: Only one tiny little shelf on the right side.

Before: Resulted in a pile up of toys on the floor of the closet.

Ready for the reveal of the after??

Hold your breath.

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

Ah, sigh with me as your eyes feast on that organized beauty!!

Shelving all the way up on the left side.

Shelving all the way up on the right side.

What an improvement!!

I have had such a great feeling satisfying my nesting urges. And the fact that these two projects turned out to be more comfortable on our pocketbook than we expected...well, I just have to say...

Faithful. He is {always} faithful.

20 weeks pregnant

2010-09-28T13:31:00.008-04:00

This week is a significant milestone in pregnancy...or is it?

20 weeks today. It's the half way mark.

It's also the time when everything changed for us before. The ultrasound indicated that my first pregnancy was not going to be the "perfect" pregnancy I had dreamed of. We learned our baby girl was in danger. What a strong and powerful feeling that was.

Today we slip into this 20th week of pregnancy with an ease and a tender remembrance of the time before.

A different story is being written for us this time.

Things are calm. So very calm.

I am still settling into that.

It's strange.

It's peaceful.

It's sweet.

I snuggle my Cayman close to me. She's such a big girl now. She sits next to me on the couch as we watch some more "Signing Times" together. My one arm wrapped around her, my other resting gently on my baby bump.

And I think to myself...

"I love these everyday miracles."

Operation Project::: Move that Garage!

2010-09-27T06:00:00.003-04:00

Have you ever thought to yourself, "We could really use a bigger garage."?

Me too.

Have you ever thought to yourself, "We could really use a better storage building in our back yard."?

Yep, I have.

Have you ever thought to yourself, "Hey, why don't we just cut off the existing attached garage from the house, move it to the back yard, and use it for the storage building and then just build from scratch a bigger garage onto the house. Yeah that'll work."?

That. I have not.

I myself am capable of thinking in such big ways but that's as far as it usually goes.

However, for my sister {and her husband}, they are amazing at the ideas they produce and accomplish with the help of a very experienced contractor who just happens to be a blessed friend and neighbor to them.

So of course when I learned of what seemed to me to sound like a crazy idea, I wanted to be certain to be present for the show.

Wouldn't you be interested in watching an entire portion of a house be hoisted up onto a trailer and be literally driven to the back yard, all the while hoping the structure of it doesn't fall a part and the whole project fail right before their eyes?

Or does such interest in watching this sort of thing come from only living in a small town completely surrounded by corn fields and so very little much else to do?

We were not the only ones showing up for the action. My sister's driveway looked like a used parking lot. And the fences in the backyards stretching down their street had neighbors leaning on them watching as well.

It was quite the festive afternoon.

And hooray for them, it was a success!

Enjoying the Last Bit of Warm Weather

2010-09-24T06:00:00.002-04:00

The Autumn season is here, says so on the calendar. And Summer has poked its head back in for one last good-bye. It's been 90 degrees here lately!! Hot, hot. We had to pull out the shorts and put away the coats.

While this last stretch of summer weather is around we can be found outside, soaking in its warmth before the cold returns again.

On second thought, 90 degrees is pretty hot. We may just be found indoors cooling by the air conditioning instead.

Hearing Aids

2010-09-21T09:02:00.004-04:00

We learned in depth last month that Cayman has a pretty messed up middle and inner ear. The bones in the middle ear are malformed and do not transmit sound well into the inner ear. And once sound does make it through the middle ear, the inner ear is even more malformed, with a part missing that effects both hearing and balance. The sound then travels up the nerve and into the brain. That pathway seems to be in good working order. But once the sound has reached the brain it has to be interpreted still by a brain that is severely malformed itself (and remember the sound that did make it all that way is pretty poor).

I sat there marveling over the doctor's analysis of Cayman's ear anatomy. It was felt shocking to hear. Cayman has carried on showing she understand much of what we say which masked that there ever was a problem with her hearing. The only thing that maybe gave us the slight wondering is her lack of speech development. She does not talk. We don't even hear many "mom's" or "dada's" anymore but the part of her brain that controls speech is not exactly typical either.

Listening to the doctor's overwhelming interpretation of the detailed scan of Cayman's ears and all the malformations it revealed, my head swirled in the terminology. We were getting a quick, crash coarse in ear anatomy it would seem.

I sat there engulfed in a great peace. We are in the midst of another one of God's amazing miracles in our little Cayman. It's remarkable that she can hear at all and the amount of hearing loss that is noted is marked only as mild to moderate. Can you see the miracle in that too?

Cayman was fitted for hearing aids, not a process that she enjoyed. In fact she cried. Poor baby. She just hates her ears being messed with and any progress we had made with the toy otoscope I am afraid was thrown out the window that day. The audiologist injected a putty-like substance into her ears that hardened to the shape of them after a few minutes. They took the mold out and that was used to custom make some well fitting hearing aid molds for Cayman.

And here's the big news: Cayman loves the hearing aids!

A toy otoscope, we don't need that to get her over her ear-touching phobias anymore. It only took her a couple of days to feel comfortable with them and now she sits patiently and calmly while I put them in each morning. She finishes it up with smiles and clapping. She never pulls them out. They have even improved her tolerance in wearing her glasses. Cayman learned quickly that when she pulls her glasses off out pops the hearing aids too. So she leaves those in place now as well. Can you imagine how much easier this has made things for us? No more struggles and fights. Except in eye patching...that's been thrown in the mix of doctor's orders now too, but we'll save that for another day's post.

We have noticed Cayman reacting to quieter sounds since she has gotten the hearing aids. And clinically the tests showed improvement in her range of hearing.

So many glorious things we are experiencing in our little miracle girl.

Peering out the window.

Pointing at a squirrel.

We're still keeping our fingers crossed and praying our insurance will pay for the hearing aids. We have appealed their denial and now we wait to hear from them again. I am told from a lot of different parties to not hold my breath though. Rarely does an insurance company pay for them.

*Sigh*

A Little Something for Grandma Cindy's Wall

2010-09-20T09:55:00.002-04:00

Cayman, Madison, and baby Makenna

Healthy Toddler-ness

2010-09-16T09:52:00.002-04:00

Cayman may not toddle but she is every bit as busy as the stereotypical Toddler is. It makes things a little crazy around here.

Already this morning...

~She has colored on a DVD case with a crayon.
~Pulled my hair. Twice.
~Thrown my cell phone behind the couch.
~Spit out her breakfast, turned to me and signed "eat". I guess she did not approve of what I served.
~Tried to bend her glasses in half.
~Unfolded the pile of bath towels.
~Climbed on top of the back of the couch. I rescued her quickly.
~And turned her bottle upside down and watched it drip its contents onto the carpet.

Phew. Crazy morning.

My mom has always said, "An active, ornery kid is the sign of a healthy kid."

Well then, I will take the gift of 'crazy' any day!

After all, it is pretty amazing.

Eating some breakfast in the living room while watching 'Signing Times'. We live dangerously, I know. But not too dangerous, after all it is only a little bowl of dry cereal.

It's a...

2010-09-15T16:07:00.003-04:00

Dear little one in the womb,

Today I got a peek at you. For about an hour I watched as the technician carefully checked over every part of you, taking down your measurements, and examining all your major organs. And baby, even at peace as I was throughout the day, I still held my breath a little and was silently uttering prayers through out this process. Prayers asking for you to be healthy. But then I stopped for a moment to think and my prayers began to change [just slightly] to asking God for you to be growing just as He wants you to be. Because, you see Little One, life is always more prosperous when it's set to His will. I prayed that for your big sister too and I believe He answered it correctly. And I have been growing in that answer ever since. You never know what miracles the Father has in store. And you, my precious Little One, are my beautiful miracle boy. Healthy, a great size, and active. Really active! Mama thought she was feeling you a lot but I was surprise to learn how many of your movements I do not feel yet. We watched your hands go to your face. You arched your back and kicked your feet turning from side to side. And those tiny little hands of yours were opening and closing, making fists. You turned as if to face us. I grinned and grinned and couldn't stop grinning. Your daddy looked at me and smiled. He was a little misty eyed too. Wow how we do love you! That feeling always amazes me, just how much you can love someone that you have not met face to face. We can truly hardly wait to see you with your big sister. Raising the two of you together is going to be amazing! And what a privilege it will be for me. We're praising God for you, our precious baby boy!

Love,

Mommy and Daddy

The profile. These are my favorites.

These ultrasound pictures can be hard to tell what you're seeing sometimes. This is the baby with his face looking at you. The dark spots are the eye sockets. And there's even a little hand in there holding up a finger (Note, it's not the naughty one. Unlike Cayman. Remember this post? She still does that.)

Oh yes, and there are the boy parts! He revealed them freely during the whole scan but kept other parts hidden, like his heart and head, making the technician work hard to get him to move to a better viewing position for her.

There's a hand.

A long, skinny leg and foot, just like his big sister's.

And there he is, in 3D with his hand over his ear. Perhaps this was during the moment I was yelling at Cayman to sit down, who had by this time stood up in her stroller and was being fully ornery and active herself. She's hit a stage where she's getting daring and experiencing "normal" bumps and bruises for a change. And this little mama is experiencing heart failure during those times I have watched her take some scary looking tumbles.

Did I mention, life is so good?

It is oh so good!

**Happy Birthday today to my sister Stacey!

Simple Statements

2010-09-14T19:51:00.007-04:00

baby is about the size of a sweet potato

I'm 18 weeks pregnant today.

Baby moves a lot.

I love it!

***

I'm still sick with a head cold.

But doing a little better.

Cayman is much better.

And Mike is much, much better.

***

Cayman loves her hearing aids.

She didn't even fight me today when I put them in.

And she always leaves them in.

I'm glad.

Makes things easier for everyone.

***

I'm creating a new blog.

It's under construction.

Don't freak out someday when you find this one has moved.

I won't leave you hanging.

I'll provide directions to the new one.

***

Tomorrow is my 2nd trimester ultrasound.

Excited and nervous.

Is it a Girl or a Boy??

Poll says Girl.

We shall see tomorrow.

{Stream of Conscious Mind}

2010-09-13T09:26:00.005-04:00

Dear Diary,

I am Sick. Scratchy throat, coughing, cloudy head, major congestion. I hate being sick. Little Cayman is too and she seems to be carrying a fever with it. Yesterday it spiked to 104! Freaking out mama. We made a dreaded visit to the local E.R. for Cayman. I hate going to that place for so many reasons. About an hour and a half later we were blessedly walking back out the doors headed for home. It is just normal sickness. That's nice. I am amazed that Cayman did not have a seizure with that high of a temperature. I praise Jesus highly for that one! Mike is sick as well but he's this big, strong man that can stand up to colds well. I am so glad about that. Mainly for his sake that he doesn't suffer but partly for the self-ish side of me that appreciates him waiting on his girls hand and foot when he is around. I am a lucky girl. I hate being sick, did I mention that already? Especially for this week. We have so many appointments. This could be Cayman's physical therapist's last week before she goes on a 3 month maternity leave and we love her. We do not want to miss saying good-bye. I also have my big anatomy ultrasound. And I had a dentist appointment for myself today which has already been canceled (spp, *in a whisper* I'm not all that sad about that though). But in truth I know I need to go and putting it off is really not doing me any favors. I've already had to promise Mike like a billion times that I will follow through with rescheduling and I always keep my promises. So I will, but not until after I get my talking voice back. I am not happy that these nasty colds have already ruined this past weekend for me. Well, maybe "ruined" is too strong of a word. But they definitely put a damper on the fun. We were in Columbus. Mike went to the Buckeyes football game with his family. Cayman and I hung out with one of my friends which also use to be my co-worker when I lived in Columbus. She's a massage therapist too and for two hours she massaged me! Oh-la-la, I am a lucky girl! She got my sinuses draining but not enough to take this nasty cold away. Cayman was a perfect angel and played the whole time. Baby #2 loved the massage I do believe. So many kicks and movements I felt from that precious little life growing inside of me. Then Cayman and I napped, and swam at the hotel. We ate, played, and just hung out with no distractions of the chores that call my name when we are at home. Sounds just wonderful doesn't it? And it was, except for the part that our colds were beginning to take full bloom and run down our energy. Actually I should restate that. It ran down my energy. How do kids do it? Cayman still managed to jump up and down on the bed, and move around like nothing felt different to her. She only stopped long enough to cough and sniffle. That was until Sunday morning when she woke up with her high fever. Fevers, seizures, and shunt failures are the only things that slow her down. You know, only the really big, major stuff. Unlike me. I lay and wallow in my mundane head colds. I hate being sick, but I think I told you that already. But instead of laying in bed moping I am taking myself to the Naturopathic Doctor's office today. I have said in the past that I am changing my ways where that can be done and visit him first and only the doctor second if he wasn't able to help. And maybe there will be a chance we will all be feeling better shortly. By tomorrow isn't too much to ask, right? :)

Sincerely,

Kristen

Hearing Aids and 17 weeks

2010-09-09T09:02:00.006-04:00

There is a lot going on this week and things are getting exciting.

Cayman is getting her hearing aids today. Our insurance still does not want to pay for it but U of M is giving us loaner aids while we fight it out. Isn't that nice? Cayman's needs don't have to wait just because of their stubbornness. I will do an upcoming post about her new devices and all that was found regarding Cayman's ears on a CT scan. And I will also post about her eyes too and how that check up went. She's been a very busy little girl.

On the pregnancy front, I am 17 weeks now. Baby has been moving a lot more. Yesterday I felt the tiny kicks at least seven times. I wouldn't call it a "flutter" or "tickling" as some will say about their experiences. Instead I would describe it to feel more like the faintest drum beat or a tiny bubble popping, if that makes any sense.

I am one week away from my anatomy ultrasound. I am beyond excited for this appointment :). Mike too. Seriously, we are! There's still a spot deep in the pit of my stomach that feels nervous about it. But right now I am excited and I am thankful for that. It has been my goal to make this pregnancy enjoyable and not get caught up in the whirl wind of worries. The fears are still there but they do not rob the happiness we feel over expecting a baby again. There is a freedom I feel in not letting that worry bind me and overtake my joy. I can not accomplish that on my own. It really does take the joy of the Lord to be my strength. And the fact that I am excited for the upcoming ultrasound next week reveals how mighty that truth is because I am a natural worrier. That part comes so easy to me.

Here's the picture for the week {from BabyCenter.com}.

Journaling

2010-09-08T22:07:00.005-04:00

When I was 18 years old I spent a month in Europe. Every night before bed I journaled all about the details of that day. Things I knew I never wanted to forget and never will because of that journal. It's this amazing keepsake for me and allows me to share my memories clearly for years to come. Even when I may forget the details of that adventurous journey of mine I can soon have the details resharpened when I return to the scrapbooks filled with pictures and writings. And for a moment I am re-experiencing a piece of it again.

But journaling has filled my life in other ways than just to remember the good times. It's also been an avenue in which I process my life - even in and especially during the difficult parts.

I have journaled ever since I was a little girl. I have kept logs of my life, thoughts, and inspirations. I still have my very first entries. Man are they a trip to read! The funny things that are so important to a person at the big age of seven are quite amusing.

None of my journals are anything truly profound or really special. Writing is not something that comes naturally for me, believe it or not. But I work hard at it because I feel my life is richer because of it.

There have been times when I needed it to act as a counselor for me. To hold my thoughts still so they could be changed or sometimes simply articulated. Finding the perfect words that bridge my inner thoughts with my outer experiences is not something that I feel I am very gifted at, but I value the self-discovery and growth it gives me and that part comes from the Lord. I know that well because anything that is beautifully written is not of my ability but truly His.

The thoughts and feelings that can go through me in just a single second is mighty but then I will search for hours trying to find the right words to express them. I guess the mind does not think and feel in words. But if those thoughts can ever be purged through words it is at those times I experience an awe-lifting freedom that delivers me to a brighter side of understanding and healing.

Not always does the experience of healing come instantly though. After all, some things in life are a process. And perhaps that process can be made smoother through the beauty of writing. Journaled words can hold the power to disentangle pent-up thoughts and emotions.

When I was pregnant with Cayman I did not journal much. Seems kind of odd especially since the news of her diagnosis left me with much to purge and process. But it's hard to make sense of life when in the middle of the storm. And not knowing what would happen next, surrounded by all the unknowns, I was not even sure what to process. I experienced so many emotions that felt larger than what any words could ever touch.

The pages of my pregnancy journal remained blank.

Occasionally I composed a letter to Cayman covering that sweet babe in love. How proud of her we have always been right from the start. Even in the moments when I felt we might lose her my heart continued to hold her close. She would always be my baby girl whether she remained with us or not.

But little did I write about my grief or what I was feeling. Words were not close to me.

Then Cayman was born. The pregnancy that felt as though it had dragged on enduringly was finally over. But there was a new set of battles - the NICU, surgeries, and the finding of more diagnoses. We were learning to settle in to the very unexpected life of caring for and raising a daughter with special needs.

More emotions were felt that were just too large for words to express.

When we finally made it home after 3 weeks in the NICU the storm felt like it continued. We had a stack of medical care instructions for our little girl. I felt ushered into a small medical degree by all the terminology and equipment. And we were on our own. No nursing care around the clock anymore.

So many emotions.

We were living with my in-laws. Most of our stuff still in boxes and all I had for my sweet little baby was one dresser and a borrowed bassinet. It was a worthy sacrifice we made so we could be living near our families again. But not having a true home of our own as we started our family was unsettling.

I felt many emotions.

Then Cayman's shunt continuously failed for many months in a row. She had something like 5 shunt surgeries within 4 months. We were on constant alert for the signs.

More emotions.

Life was busy. Stressful.

Mike was adjusting to a new job.

We were selling a house in a market that had crashed and the only way to be rid of the mortgage was to take a several thousand dollar loss on the sale price. To add to the financial stress, we owed more in medical bills than what our monthly income could accommodate. We watched our hard earned savings deplete to just a few dollars.

A lot of emotions.

By the time I sat down with my journal and pen in hand I did not even know where to begin. And I suppose much of it became held within.

Being pregnant again has me remembering a lot of those emotions that I had forgotten. They're still inside of me. And I began to wonder, as I felt a nudging on my heart to journal them as they popped up, that perhaps God has plans to bring me to a place where I know His grace even deeper.

Life breaks and falls apart
But we know these are
Places where grace is soon to be so amazing
It may be unfulfilled
It may be unrestored
But when anything that's shattered is laid before the Lord
Just watch and see
It will not be unredeemed

{song "Unredeemed" by Selah}

I have been taking all those pent up thoughts and shattered emotions and laying them before the Lord. I have watched with eyes wide open full of wonder as He has replaced the pain I have felt from that time in our lives with an enhanced joy. I am more tender because of it. I am more aware of God because of it. I am happy. And that is an amazing feeling!

The County Fair

2010-09-07T09:11:00.003-04:00

Over the weekend we were at the county fair. I have been particularly looking forward to it this year for many reasons:

~ Cayman's reactions and observations are so much more developed than a year ago. We wanted to show her the animals, the lights, the food, and take her on some rides...and watch for those exuberant expressions that let us know what she's thinking.

~Both Mike's family and my family were at the fair on the same afternoon. I absolutely love living near our families. When Mike and I finally made it back to our little beloved northwest Ohio about 3 years ago, I felt settled simply because this is where our families are.

~I have surpassed the pregnancy nausea {for the most part} and am feeling great! Even the fatigue has leveled out some. Walking around the fair, all the noise, dust, smells...I knew it wouldn't send me to the nearest bathroom or trash can. I was excited to get out and enjoy all of it. Especially the food!!

~Cayman has a borrowed fish tank at our home and it has been sitting empty. We were waiting for the fair when Cayman could throw oodles of ping pong balls at the tiny fish bowls to win one for herself. Throwing balls is Cayman's favorite thing to do {well, technically throwing anything is her favorite, just ask Grandma Sue how she got her puffy lip last week}.

Cayman continues to be frightened around any animal. She stares at them with great curiosity but prefers to keep them at a far distance. She jumped every time the pigs grunted loudly. We also saw goats, sheep, cows, rabbits, llamas, ponies, and chicks. In the pig barn Mike exclaimed, "Mmm, that looks like a good piece of bacon." So over in the llama's circle I exclaimed, "Mmm, that looks like a good skein of yarn." He got my joke and we laughed.

Cayman's Aunts holding the two newest members of her family, one from each side.
{On the left}: Aunt Stacey with baby Makenna.
{On the right}: Aunt Cara with baby Ty.

Baby Ty

CeCe, Sidney, and Madison standing in line for the next ride.

Grandma Sue and Sidney on the Scrambler.

Cayman adored her balloon she was given.

Grandma Sue climbing aboard the Clowns with Cayman.
Just look at Cayman's face. When did she begin to look so grown up?

The Crazy Bus was Cayman's favorite and by far also the most "wild" ride she went on. But she laughed and laughed while those little knuckles turned white from holding onto the bar in front of her so tightly. And when the bus came to a halt, she immediately signed "more".

Winning a fish...

It didn't go in.

Throwing more balls.
None of them went in.
But one of Grandpa's did plus another little girl, who had won several fish, brought one over to Cayman. So we came home with two fish.
Maybe my next poll I put up will be "How long will these fish live?".

Riding the Merry-go-Round.

There's that big girl look again.

And again.

She's been our baby for so long it feels and then suddenly, in spite of the many emergencies we had this summer, big girl looks and reactions have been emerging every where from her. It feels beautiful.

Cayman Says...

2010-09-02T17:25:00.007-04:00

"O"

"H"

T minus 91 minutes until the first game of the season starts!

Go Buckeyes!

16 weeks Preganant

2010-08-31T19:21:00.007-04:00

I am certainly over-due to write an update about the baby that is growing in my belly. The weeks just keep going by. But you know what that means...

Time flying by = Pregnancy flying by

And the second time around, it is certainly feeling quick. I am sure I can give Cayman quite a bit of credit for that. She keeps me on my toes! And the fact that this pregnancy will end at 8 months and not 9 months makes me almost at the half way point already!

My last OB appointment was four weeks ago. I was 12 weeks pregnant then. My mom came with me. Mike worked. We have had a slew of doctor appointments for Cayman this summer and Mike's work has graciously allowed him to come along to most of them. But that makes for some busy days when he does return to work and his strong loyalty toward his job keeps him mindful about not falling behind {just another something I love about him}.

With the appointments being located up in Ann Arbor it's not as simple as taking an extra long lunch during work to attend the doctor's appointment and then return for the rest of the day. The distance between our home and our medical care facility pretty much turns it into an all day event with the four hour round trip drive. And so we decided it was best for Mike to just go to work that day since my OB appointment was simply going to be a regular, boring pre-natal check up - weight, blood pressure, pee in a cup. Just the mundane stuff. Well besides hearing the baby's heart beat. There's nothing boring about that. And I promised Mike I would have my mom video it so he would not completely miss it.

The appointment turned out to be less boring than I expected, which ended with a phone call to Mike in my most happy, hyper voice telling him all about it! Poor man, I could hear in his tone through his excited words that he longed to be there with us. It's in those kind of moments in life when you wish just blinking an eye could bring someone instantly next to your side.

So let me tell you about the fun appointment. An unexpected ultrasound was performed. The baby seemed to be hiding lower than the doctor initially expected so the doppler ultrasound failed to pick up the heart beat. I felt calm still. The doppler never worked on me when I was pregnant with Cayman so it wasn't of great surprise to me when the doctor searched and searched and found no baby. Even with my smaller frame, my tipped uterus is too far from the surface for the doppler to pick up any baby sounds.

Things run a little differently in the high risk clinic. In my pregnancy with Cayman, before the findings of her diagnosis, the doctor never fussed over the inability to find a heart beat on the doppler. I was always sent away being told that sometimes it's normal and nothing to worry about, which was still true in my case. The lack of heart beat found through the doppler had nothing to do with Cayman's diagnosis. It just made for boring OB appointments every month. It's always a delightful experience when you get to hear that little one's heart beating.

But in the high risk clinic, they don't send you out that door until they've thoroughly checked things out. So when the doppler failed to record a heart beat, that's when the ultrasound machine was brought out.

The doctor confidently found the heart beat on the ultrasound's monitor. When I saw the black and white flickering of pixels signifying my baby's heart beating, I did breath in a little deeper and easier.

There it was, just living away and strongly beating in the 150's.

And if that wasn't enough to get my blood flowing, the rest of the scene before me sure did. Little baby was doing all sorts of jumps, leaps, and movements. It was so entertaining!

I found it to feel more reassuring to me than anything. Cayman did not move much in the womb. Maybe that had nothing to do with her ill-forming body, or perhaps it had everything to do with it. Her brain was squished under the pressure of a lot fluid inside her head. The lack of her fetal movements always felt to me like the two were related.

12 weeks

I am 16 weeks pregnant now. I have been feeling baby movements here and there (started about a few weeks ago). It's sporadic though and I am uber-eager for this little one to make a routine of it! The movements of a baby in the womb are intimate, reassuring, and beautiful. And right now my desire to start doing that dance with our little one is on my mind even more than the upcoming anatomy ultrasound, which is in just two weeks.

It's hard for me to realize that the 2nd trimester ultrasound is almost upon us already. It feels like such a big milestone in a pregnancy. I'll be 18 weeks then. The doctor presented the option to schedule the ultrasound at the earliest of 16 weeks for a sooner calming of the curiosity of getting the baby's developing progress checked out. They can see everything well except the chambers of the heart so a repeat ultrasound would need to be done later when the baby is larger.

While I do love getting as many peeks at my baby that I can, Mike and I decided not to do the earlier ultrasound. Mainly for the reason that I did not even want to haggle into the phone call to the insurance company to see if they would pay for two ultrasounds in the second trimester. I have a strong love-hate relationship with them. I appreciate all that our insurance has paid for. The numbers are overwhelming to Cayman's medical care. That's the love part.

The hate has come in the countless phone calls I have made to them over the last two years getting denied claims straightened out. It must be in their job description to give people the run around first before accepting a claim.

Plus for my own heart's sake, I do not feel a strong need to do a sooner ultrasound. Eighteen weeks feels more than soon enough. If there is something there that is just not quite going well with the baby, I would rather wait a bit longer before I find out. That's not because I feel a great anxiety that something is wrong, but it is a reality I know well. I just desire to soak in all the bliss, and nothing more.

I took a belly shot this week.

16 weeks

I'm getting a [little] annoyed that this so-called "bump" really just looks like an exaggerated and unflattering pooch. It's not that coveted little, "Oh look, she's pregnant!" mound. It's more of a flabby lump that makes an appearance saying, "That girl needs to get her rear to the gym and work off that baby fat!" But then that annoyance is followed by the confirmation that a bigger belly now means an even much, much bigger belly in the end. And I remember well the misery a big belly was on my sweet, enduring spine. So the day will come soon enough when my baby bump fills out those maternity shirts in a more fashionable way.

Here are some growth updates this week {from TheBump.com}:

Baby's now the size of an avocado! Watch what you say...tiny bones forming in baby's ears mean she can now pick up your voice. A few more minuscule changes: Eyebrows, lashes, and hair are starting to fill in, and taste buds are forming.

Trampoline

2010-08-31T10:42:00.008-04:00

Nearby neighbors of ours have a trampoline and Cayman has a good time over there playing on it. Recently, friends of ours caught wind of that little fact and dug out of their basement storage their college son's old trampoline and lovingly gifted it to Cayman. So now she has her very own in the backyard.

Does she love it?

Indeed! My patio door windows that look out over the backyard are full of tiny fingerprints from where she presses up against the glass to stare out at her beloved trampoline.

"Thanks Kevin and Barb! You have made a little girl very happy!"

My Lovely Friday Afternoon

2010-08-27T13:41:00.007-04:00

I peek into her room. It's nap time. And she is fast asleep cuddling her favorite toys.

So precious that little girl is.

Cayman Gets Down...I don't mean in 'dancing'

2010-08-24T21:55:00.002-04:00

Cayman can go from here...

To here...

All by herself. On purpose. And I do mean without tumbling or falling.

Watch the skillful coordination...

Getting turned around.

Lay down on tummy.

Swing the feet around.

Slide down.

Until your feet hit the floor.

Bend the knees and lower yourself all the way to the floor.

Hooray!

Want to see it again? Well of course because she's just so cute about it...

On the Lake

2010-08-23T22:26:00.002-04:00

Cayman got sick on Wednesday and went into the hospital. But the Saturday before that she was feeling wonderful and we were enjoying a day out on the lake with our friends Kevin and Barb.

I did not get a chance to upload photos from that beautiful day before last week's hospital stay, so I am playing catch up now.

Cruising around the lake slowly. It was quiet that day.

Cayman snuggled up on my shoulder and looked around. And did you notice, she was wearing her glasses! Before she went into the hospital we had made great progress in that area.

That goofy face Cayman is making cracks me up!

Okay, enough slow cruising on the lake. Time to get the life jackets on and go for some speed.

A big smile was on Cayman's face. She still loves the lake as much as she did last year!

But possibly her most favorite thing was driving the boat herself...

Headed Home

2010-08-21T17:37:00.000-04:00

Bye-bye Hospital

Happy Sounds Coming From Our Corner

2010-08-21T15:34:00.000-04:00

During this hospital stay, Cayman has three other roomies. It's been noisy except for our little corner of the room.

Cayman was quiet.

So quiet.

Then she went to surgery and her shunt was replaced.

Look out.

Our once noiseless corner is now beautifully filled with the sounds of her giggles and toys playing.

It makes my heart soar.

This balloon was given to Cayman by the 9 year old girl in the bed directly across from hers...

The Wonders a Bath can Do

2010-08-21T14:08:00.004-04:00

Before:

After:

We Prayed, He Answered...I'm so Glad

2010-08-20T23:04:00.005-04:00

Cayman's repeat CT scan today showed her ventricles increased slightly more in size. After reviewing the scans the team from neurosurgery made their presence at Cayman's bedside to get a closer evaluation of how she was doing.

From yesterday to today we had seen an increase in her sleepiness but much less vomiting. So she seemed to be getting better in one sense but worse in another way too. But when the Neurosurgeon tried to wake her up and she did not arouse, the room took on a new level of seriousness. She did finally wake up but it took many painful pinches and squeezing toes before she finally cracked open her eyes just slightly.

That was a hard moment. Scary. It showed how badly Cayman's condition was worsening.

Cases were bumped and she was put next in line for the operating room.

Indeed, it was a shunt malfunction. *sigh* But to be completely honest, I felt relieved. Carrying on each day without knowing what was wrong felt way worse than just knowing and getting the problem fixed.

The part of my heart that sinks over the need for yet another shunt revision is the part that resides in our life at home. I wrote yesterday about trying to find normalcy in each day. It's a fine balance between productive cautiousness and living in fear. A shunt malfunction is always a possibility. The last 3 months have me feeling jumpy...4 shunt related surgeries that close together.

I know the seriousness and the deep anguish that came from holding my lifeless Cayman in my arms due to a shunt failure. My mind will never let me forget the grief that stole my breath away in those moments back in May when her heart stopped beating.

And to be honest, I don't want to completely forget because that memory holds me in a place that has me never taking simple things for granted and there's beauty in that.

So while I am painfully learning a deeper truth to how unpredictable life really can be, I am also learning the value in Pollyanna's "Glad Game". Have you ever watched that movie? It was a favorite of mine as a child.

And today I am just glad that my little Cayman survived through another scary shunt failure.

And so did I.

Thank you for praying!

Some pictures from Yesterday

2010-08-20T12:04:00.009-04:00

in the ambulance

We forgot Cayman's two favorite toys that always go to bed with her. Mike found this toy in the hospital's play room. She has one just like it at home. The familiarity seemed to comfort her.

She fell asleep holding tightly to the blue star.

Waiting in the Hospital

2010-08-19T18:25:00.002-04:00

I keep going over each symptom in my mind and searching for clues. Is this a shunt failure? Is it something else? Cayman remains the same - very sick. I am trying to deny the discouragement that is creeping up. I am tired, frustrated, and hoping. Hoping for something...a fix...some answers...that will make Cayman feel better. But a deeper hope runs within me for us to know the ease of a fabulously working shunt for a long time. Like I mean - Forever!

Forever sounds real good.

And I feel the hope that maybe this time it is not related to her shunt. The urine test came back with small traces of leukocytes but it's possible it was not a clean catch since it was a bag and not done through a catheter. But if it is just a bladder infection, what a simple fix! She is being started on an antibiotic to see if it makes any difference in Cayman's condition. If she gets better than perhaps we found the source of Cayman's sickness. But if not, we continue the search. The plan is to repeat her head CT scan tomorrow and take a look at her ventricle sizes again.

My mind feels caught in a swirl wind of life's unpredictable episodes and how I can find normalcy in each day when this can always be a possibility that pops up suddenly. As parents we try to protect our children from those things that pose a threat to them. We baby proof the house. We rescue them before they get another step closer to the top of a stair case. But I can't protect Cayman from shunt failures. I am struggling with how little control I have over this. But in the midst of it God is showing me His sovereignty. He is showing me that I don't need to be in control of it. Because He is and He knows.

I need to remember that. And even more importantly, trust it - always.

Hospital Stay Number...ah...I've Lost Count

2010-08-19T15:29:00.004-04:00

It would seem that trips to the emergency room have become sort of a routine for our sweet little Cayman.

She was admitted into the hospital yesterday evening. Cayman got sick at home and we left immediately for Ann Arbor's E.R. We traveled just an hour and her condition began to worsen. A call to 911 quickly brought an ambulance to us by the side of the road. Lights and sirens promptly transported us the rest of the way to the U of M hospital.

She continues to vomit, sleep continuously, as well as a small amount of fluid has accumulated around the shunt. These are all objective symptoms that this could be a shunt malfunction. HOWEVER, the CT scan shows her ventricles only slightly larger. So slightly that some do not even read it as any enlargement.

SO...

It might not be a shunt malfunction.

Maybe?

Blood work, urine testing, etc. are being done trying to find or rule out the possibility of any infections. But there is no fever present. So that does not quite fit either.

She is just very, very sick but we can't figure out why.

So frustrating.

Niagara Falls Vacation: The WaterPark

2010-08-17T21:16:00.005-04:00

The morning we left Niagara Falls to travel back home we said good-bye to all our hydro friends except for one family - the Soldatke's. They're from Nebraska and since they would be traveling through Northwest Ohio we decided to caravan the journey west together, making a stop in Toledo, Ohio. We live just an hour from Toledo, but a chance to have another day with the Soldatke's was too good to pass up. So we booked rooms for our two families at a waterpark hotel and had a blast!

Click on photo to view in full screen.

Enjoying the very warm, relaxing heated pool. It put Matthew to sleep.

Mason.

Mike had lots of more fun with the waterproof camera...

Megan, Steve, and Micah.

That would be Mike.

Megan and Mason.

A pregnant belly shot.

This is the red slide. It kind of flushes you like a toilet bowl - swirling you around before emptying you into a hole. Well, you just got to see it for yourself...watch below.

That was Jill getting "flushed".

The red "toilet bowl" slide is suspended a few feet above a swimming pool. So when it flushes you through its opening you fall into a swirling pool of water and you swim to the exiting stairs. Or if you're like Jill you cling to the side and move along its current quickly trying to show no signs of struggle so the lifeguards don't blow their whistle and jump in to rescue you. :)

Video of Cayman and Daddy going down the little kiddie slide...

Mike has been getting Cayman ready for the Buckeye football season that is about to start. She already can signal "touchdown"...so what else is there to know? The O-H-I-O of course! She doesn't consistently perform it but I was trilled to get it on video to prove that she will and can do it when that little mind wants to...

And these vacation series always end with a sleeping picture...Because you know, all that fun is plain exhausting!

The End.

Niagara Falls Vacation: The Last Night

2010-08-15T20:53:00.003-04:00

After our dinner at Bob Evans on our last night spent in Niagara Falls, we returned to the hotel ready to sleep. Mike set Cayman on the bed. She crawled up to the pillows. Laying herself against them she pulled her knees in tight and pushed her feet under the covers, tucking herself into bed.

Seriously, she did this all by herself! And then proceeded to giggle, probably because she knew that was not her bed. (she slept in a crib provided by the hotel)

It was hilariously cute.

Niagara Falls Vacation: Donald's Birthday

2010-08-13T15:00:00.004-04:00

It was Donald's birthday. And there's nothing that a completely grown man needs more than a 3 pound bag of Dum Dum suckers. Made fresh, straight from the factory. Mike pulled them off the line just a few days prior.

That evening we dined at Bob Evans, a favorite restaurant of mine. And it quickly became a favorite to the others as well that had never been there before.

The food was great!

And Lisa provided the entertainment by rapping for us to her very own written lyrics that she composed back in grade school to win herself the title of class president. I had no idea she was so dorky in person (lol). I am completely kidding. It was hilariously entertaining. It's a bit despairing I do not have it on video to share. I am pretty certain that all that was present for it will never forget it.

And now that Lisa is blushing, let's move onto Donald.

The Bob Evans waitresses sang the traditional "Happy Birthday" song to him. But there was a little twist in this presentation. Sneaky Mike had gone up to the waitress's station unnoticed to tell them we had a birthday among our group and his name is Donny. When Mike returned to our table he asked Donald, "What do you say to people when they call you Donny?"

Donald laughed and said, "I don't say anything because I do not answer to the name Donny."

Well, while everyone else in our group sang Donald, the waitresses were singing Donny.

The Donny is hard to hear in the video but here's the live action of it anyways...

Niagara Falls Vacation: Cave of the Winds

2010-08-12T09:22:00.003-04:00

View of Cave of the Winds from the boat Maid of the Mist.

After the Maid of the Mist, pieces of our group went in different directions to take in more of Niagara Falls' attractions. The Soldatke's (Jill and Steve's family) and the Stamm's headed to the Cave of the Winds.

There we soaked up (or just plain got soaked) the experience of being closer to the waters of Niagara Falls than you ever thought possible. Cave of the Winds tour takes you to a wooden walkway up to Hurricane Deck where you can be less than 20 feet from the torrents of the Bridal Falls. On that deck you'll get doused with the sprays of the rushing waters, feeling like you are in the middle of a tropical storm.

Another viewing area has also been set up for handicapped individuals and adults with children in arms. We were a little of both of that. Our children (Matthew and Cayman) were both slumbering in their strollers. So while they slept the rest of us took turns staying by their side while the others climbed to the top deck.

View from the Canadian side.

Hurricane Deck

A little closer view of Hurricane Deck.

The slumbering Cayman.

Mike, Steve, Megan, and Mason

Beautiful!
{Mike took this picture} :)

Micah, Mason, and Megan

Somehow Mike got those Nebraskans to pose an O-H-I-O with him.
Mike, Micah, Megan, and Steve.

Mike and me.
{My mom had a good question regarding the no smoking sign. She asked, "How is it even possible to smoke with that much water down pouring?" Hmmm...}

Jill and I.

And that would be another way the waterproof camera was useful.

Niagara Falls Vacation: Maid of the Mist

2010-08-11T11:50:00.002-04:00

Before boarding the Maid of the Mist I tightly tucked away my DSLR camera inside of a plastic bag and checked it twice to be sure I sealed off all openings. I had remembered from my last trip to Niagara Falls ten years ago that the Maid of the Mist is a bit of a misnomer. You get drenched by the end of the 20 minute boat ride. The blue ponchos we were given to wear just could not hold back all the wind and the rain of the waterfalls.

Totally worth it!

So with my DSLR sheltered deeply under the stroller I took out our waterproof point and shoot. There is many things about that camera I just have not liked. For one, I was planning to get a another lens for my DSLR but Mike had the idea of buying a waterproof camera instead, thinking of all the fun we would have with it on such trips like this. He bought it with a fully returnable policy though. That is how he talks me into things I am reluctant to buy. If there's no strings attached and I'm not left with an item I don't like in the end, then I am willing to give it a try. And I have to say, the man was right {and much smarter than an accountant - see comment section of my last post, hehe}! The waterproof camera has been fun!

{more to come of the other ways we've used it on this vacation}

Jill, Michelle, me, and Diane.
note to self: tell Mike to make sure the lens is wiped clean of any water droplets before taking a picture.
{Okay, that's my last crack toward my husband about his photo taking skills. I really love it when he takes pictures.}

{This photo was taken by Michelle's nice camera. I had to be sure the credit didn't go to the cheapo point and shoot.}

Niagara Falls Vacation: A Morning in the Park

2010-08-10T20:09:00.030-04:00

It's hard to pick what my favorite part of this trip was, but definitely at the top of that list was the morning we spread out a couple blankets in the open grassy area of the State Park on the American side and settled in for a morning of socializing, laughing, and watching the children play.

The Hydro Babies
(left to right): Tyler, Elijah, Isaac, Elisabeth, Matthew, Cayman, and Owen

Diane and Tyler.

I love this next series of photos...watch this...

Elisabeth spots the football Owen is holding (which I think he stole from Tyler anyways)...

And she steals it...

But uh-oh, Owen is not looking too happy about it.

However, Mike has his own opinion as to why Owen was upset about the football.
Listen closely...

Did you catch that? The color of the football is all wrong, Mike says.

Cayman loved playing with all the other kids. In fact she loved receiving all that constant attention so much that by the time we got home we had one very spoiled kiddo on our hands.

Cayman playing peek-a-boo with Elijah.

Elijah.

Megan and Cayman.

Cayman and Matthew (her betrothed) cuddling.

Apparently Cayman is not a one-man kind of girl because she was found cuddling with Owen as well.

Matthew was found playing the field too, as he hooked arms with Elisabeth and snuggled in close.

Cayman and Owen.

Cayman endlessly gave fist pumps to anyone who asked for one.

The group shot of the siblings.
I thought about sticking just my belly into the frame of the shot so I could contribute to the photo but decided to be less tacky and just wait for the next Hydro gathering that we have in a year or two then our kid can stand in for himself (or herself).

And there's the Hydro Mom's.
{Photo taken by my very talented husband...talented in electrical engineering that is. Not photography. I have been trying to give him lessons but that's too "crafty" for him. Besides, he says the problem is with my camera, not him. Right, Mike!}

Niagara Falls Vacation: The Falls

2010-08-09T06:00:00.002-04:00

Click on the photo to view the panoramic in full screen.

Looking on at the American falls from the Canadian side.

The Horseshoe falls on the Canadian side.

American falls on the left and the edge of the Horseshoe falls on the right.

Donald with his girls, Alexandra and Lorelai.

Water about to fall over the Horseshoe Falls.

Our little Cayman all tuckered out from the hot, sticky day.

Another view of the Horseshoe Falls.

Micah, Jill and Steve's son.

Jennifer, Lisa's sister.

Niagara Falls Vacation: Meet the Hydro Families

2010-08-07T22:12:00.007-04:00

Here's how the story begins:

Oh, somewhere around four years ago, down in Virginia there was a very pregnant woman laying on a couch. While on bed rest with her second child she pondered much about the sweet baby boy that she was carrying. Owen had been diagnosed with Hydrocephalus. She thought of all the many other families out there that had gone through it and will go through the experience of such a diagnosis. At that time the internet offered very little hopeful and helpful information on this condition. So she got a vision - an amazing idea to create a website to help those families with a child of congenital hydrocephalus.

I will be forever thankful that Michelle created that website. She has given me a friendship filled with encouragement and a warming compassion of support as we have journeyed through the winding roads of Hydrocephalus with our little Cayman.

And through that website I have made several connections with other hydro families from across the nation. Since I was pregnant with Cayman I have gotten to know many other hydro mom's - through their blogs, phone calls, emails, facebook. It's been fun!

Every single one of these friendships have mattered more to me than I could ever explain. There is great camaraderie between the hearts of those that truly know what you are feeling.

But while we have all known each other quite well (some for more than two years), we had never actually met in person.

Until recently...

This past week we traveled to New York - Niagara specifically - to meet 7 other hydro families.

Travis, Diane, with their little boy Tyler
Click here for Tyler's blog

Jill and Steve's family
kids: Megan, Mason, Matthew, and Micah
Click here for their family blog

Michelle (her husband was sadly unable to make the trip)
kids: Sammy and Owen
Click here for Owen's blog

Amanda and Kevin with Isaac

Donald and Lisa's family
kids: Alexandra, Lorelai, and Elisabeth
Click here for their family blog

Kirk and Jennifer's family
kids: Katelee, Grace, Sheri, Spencer, and Elijah
click here for their family blog

Nicole with her kids, Joe (in the back) and Ben

It was surreal seeing my friends face-to-face for the first time. I felt my eyes water with the sweet tears of joy as we hugged and were finally together in person - a moment I have dreampt of so many times since these friendships blossomed in my life.

More of this amazing time to come. So stay tuned. But give me a couple days to recoup first.

A Fearless Explorer

2010-07-31T09:00:00.003-04:00

Exploring the hallways of Aunt Stacey and Uncle Dan's house.

We were at Grandma Sue and Grandpa's house yesterday evening for supper. When Cayman insisted that she was all done eating [by throwing her plate of food on the floor], she was cleaned up and given permission to get down and crawl around.

She exited the kitchen and down the hallway she went, turning the corner and then out of sight.

We laughed to watch her confidently "own" the floor she crawls on. This can be anywhere we are at - the doctor's office, other houses, a waiting room. She fearlessly crawls into new territory.

It had me remembering a post I wrote over five months ago about her reluctancy to wander and explore. She has definitely conquered that. And I love every minute that I have to chase after her.

Givin' Some Love

2010-07-27T13:10:00.006-04:00

Cayman actually showed baby Makenna some love!

What?!

Yep, that's right.

And I have the picture to prove it.

Leaning in for a sweet eskimo kiss that Cayman knows as "bumpy nose".

About Cayman's Hearing

2010-07-26T18:05:00.010-04:00

Before surgery.

We are home from the hospital.

Our little Cayman now has tubes in her ears. There was definite fluid they drained but it is not enough to help her hearing alone. It turns out there is a much deeper issue than just the fluid in her ears. The CT scan and ABR hearing test both revealed a hearing loss.

There's more.

Cayman's inner ear is severely malformed and typically over time the hearing loss gets worse with this kind of condition.

Cayman loves music. She responds to songs we sing and shows we watch. Our hearts feel a little sting of sadness to think that one day she might not be able to enjoy those things in the same way.

Plus it greatly effects her balance and ability in walking. It's not that she will never be able to walk but it will take her some time to get to that milestone. Then you throw in her brain malformation with that and well...she just has some pretty big challenges to conquer.

Our hearts - as her parents - feel sort of heavy knowing there is more added to the list of struggles for Cayman.

But there was a piece of gladness we gripped at as we heard the doctor explain Cayman's hearing condition - It seems it's a miracle that she hears as well as she does.

In fact, for so long she's had us all puzzled whether there was even a problem or not. She responds so well to the things we say.

She will be getting hearing aids. I am looking forward to seeing if they bring any changes for Cayman. It makes me smile imagining her learning to talk and having a conversation with me someday. What fun that would be. But if not, that's okay too. I am deeply in love with my little miracle girl, just as she is. Cayman has us completely warmed with such joy.

Surgery Number 12 Tomorrow

2010-07-25T06:00:00.007-04:00

***Surgery is scheduled for mid morning, around 9:30 a.m. It's outpatient so we will be going home the same day.***

Will you pray for our family as Cayman goes into surgery tomorrow morning [Monday] for tubes to be put in her ears?

It is considered minor, I know this. But when it comes to my kid, surgery is surgery, and I feel no "minor" regarding it. My heart always skips a beat when they carry her away to the operating room. I'm guessing that never goes away.

While sedated, she will also under-go a thorough CT scan of her middle ear and brain. Then an ABR hearing test will be conducted.

I'll let you know the news.

Thanks so much for caring and praying for our little girl.

Ssssh, Don't Wake the Baby

2010-07-24T06:00:00.003-04:00

A conversation between an Aunt and her littlest and newest of nieces:

In a whisper I spoke, "Makenna, if I promise to not interrupt your sweet little nap you are contently taking right now, will you let Aunt Kristen try on all my favorite newborn hats on you that I've made?"

Silence.

Well, she didn't say no.

Do You Put on Your Shorts This Way?

2010-07-23T06:00:00.004-04:00

Un-burrowing myself through a stack of mail (an effect of being gone on vacation), I sit on the living room floor watching TV to help entertain my mind through this daunting task I do not enjoy.

Cayman sits next to me. She's dressed in only her diaper and one sock. (Why? Well, that's another story.)
I tear open the outer envelopes, then hand them to her. She gets a kick out of being able to get in a few ripping actions herself.

But then she loses interest. She has picked up a pair of her shorts and manages to slip one foot into them all by herself. She is laughing so hard over this accomplishment that she nearly topples over.

I'm laughing so hard I can barely steady the camera.

It's the simple joys of life ya know. Now go and enjoy them today.

Myrtle Beach Vacation Part 7: Randomness

2010-07-22T10:16:00.007-04:00

Have you ever been shot 300 feet into the sky reaching a speed of 120 mph?

Not me! My feet happily stayed on the ground.

But for Grandma Sue it's about all she could talk of whenever the Human Slighshot was within sight. She just had to ride it.

"Safer than riding a carousel" the sign says. Funny. When Mark read that I believe his reaction was to roll his eyes, pay the admission, and off Sue bounded toward the ride with a school girl smile on her face. She had an accomplice to join her on this "safer than riding a carousel" adventure - Sam! If there was a third seat on the ride I am pretty certain Mike would have been right there too.

Grandma Sue and Aunt Sam awaiting to experience the 5 G's of take-off!

And there they go, becoming a distant silhouette in the sky!

A very big, BIG candy store! It smelled delicious!

Tight curly locks, ankles crossed...oh she's so cute!

On the pier.

Cayman's first photo taken with a palm tree!

Sitting around at the airport waiting to go home. Our flight was delayed.

Cayman fell asleep during take off. It was 10:00 p.m. She "napped" the whole two hour flight. We landed a few minutes after midnight. The hustle and bustle of exiting the plane and retrieving our luggage, woke her up. She stayed awake. Wide awake. It was 4 a.m. when we finally arrived back home. I crawled into bed - more like fell into bed - while Mike laid Cayman down in hers. She cried. She did not want to go to sleep.

:)

No man needs a vacation so much as the person who has just had one. ~Elbert Hubbard

The End.

Myrtle Beach Vacation Part 6: The Aquarium

2010-07-21T06:00:00.003-04:00

Besides the beach, there was only one other thing on my top priority list to visit while in Myrtle Beach - The Ripley's Aquarium.

I love aquariums. So relaxing and interesting to watch.

Moving through the long winding tunnel with the walls and ceiling completely being the aquarium itself was an amazing experience. I will probably never scuba dive in my life. I have no interest in swimming with the action of the mysterious waters, but the curiosity still remains. So an aquarium like this allows me to indulge that curiosity without it killing the cat.

Sam touching a Horsecrab.

Lethel Weapons is a killer exhibit at the aquarium - Literally. It features some of the most dangerous and deadly creatures of the sea.

For example:

The Fugu (blow fish) contains deadly poison in its organs which is fatal to a human being. Despite the risk, fugu sushi remains a delicacy in some Japanese restaurants. But it takes a specially trained and certified chef to serve it. One wrong cut of the knife can make the sushi deadly for a human to eat. Your life is literally in the hands of the chef if you ever eat fugu sushi.

The Moray Eel is aggressive, dangerous, and above all, real ugly! They like to sit around leaving their mouths wide open. Indeed not a very welcoming sight these creatures are. They have a second set of teeth resting in their throat waiting for prey to swim by. Once the moray eel secures its prey with its first set of jaws, the pharyngeal jaws from within its throat reach out and grab the prey, pulling it down through its esophagus.

This is a slugger shrimp (mantis shrimp). It uses its claws as boxers use their fist. With amazing force and speed, this featherweight champion can deliver a knock-out punch at the force of a bullet in just 2 milliseconds - 50 times faster than the blink of an eye. They use their club-like claws to smash the shells of their prey. It's a bullet-proof tank that houses this creature.

Be careful not to stand too close to this fish, which I think is called a surgeonfish. It has blades on the side of its tail that can extend out to stab its prey while it casually swims by. The prey never suspects a thing.

These are needle-spine sea urchins. I think they contain some kind of deadly poison. Truthfully and honestly, all I can really remember about them is their eye-ball like feature on the top of their body is not an eyeball at all but in actuality is their anus. Weird.

The clown fish made the Lethal Weapon exhibit. It has no dangerous qualities of its own but rather its what it is immune to that makes this fish dangerous for its predators - the anemone. For other fish, the flowering plant is deadly but to the clown fish, they cannot be harmed by its stings. For that reason the clown fish seeks its home and safety within the anemone.

The beautiful, fluid movements of the jellies. They are great to watch but never to touch!

Myrtle Beach Vacation Part 5: Eating

2010-07-20T06:00:00.001-04:00

I have never experienced food the way I do when I am pregnant. If I get hungry for something in particular I just cannot get it out of my head until I eat it. I have always had my favorites but never in such an obsessive, dramatic way that when I sink my teeth into it, it leaves me near tears it's so wonderful!

I do experience days when absolutely nothing sounds appetizing. Those are my rocky feeling days. It's created a feeling of enjoyment over the cravings I get because usually I feel better after I eat the food of my up most highest desire. But my cravings change from day to day, making them largely unpredictable. While on vacation, having miles of restaurants available with a menu selection before me at nearly every meal was heavenly and oddly enough that is what I miss the most since being back from vacation. Sometimes the food stocked in our cupboard and fridge just doesn't always cut it.

This restaurant got me on an egg craving kick that week. So delicious.

We didn't eat at "Crabby Mike's" but we took Mike's picture with the sign because...well, I think you get it.

Hamburger Joe's was packed!! We waited nearly two hours before we finally had our food in front of us.

Sitting on the porch of Hamburger Joe's.

Hamburger Joe's was kind of like a country house - large porch, wood paneling, wood floors. And dollar bills covered the walls and ceiling. To count, it was currently up to $8,000.

Captain George's had a large buffet. Mostly consisting of seafood. Here I had a big craving for the crab legs but was careful about the amount I ate. A thing called mercury ya know.

Boat Buffet. How amazing does that look!

Cayman's face cracks me up! The look she has as she stares in bewilderment over the crab's pincer...lol...oh it gets me every time!

Dirty Don's Oyster Bar & Grill. This was one of Mike's favorite places.

We ate at Senor Frogs on our last day there.

The most memorable {that does not mean most favorite} part about Senor Frogs was probably me throwing up in the trash can in front of the restaurant. And thanks to my husband, we have pictures to commemorate the moment forever!

Myrtle Beach Vacation Part 4: The Beach

2010-07-19T06:00:00.002-04:00

I love my little crawling babe. She moved around the beach like she's always been there. So comfortable. So familiar.

She would not keep that crazy sun hat on for anything!

At the water's edge she clung tightly. The sand she loved. But the ocean, she did not find a natural bond with.

Grandpa made it onto the beach - once. For those that know Mark, know just how much of a big deal that is!

That is the face of pure enjoyment.

It was a sweet mommy moment for me.

The ocean air made Cayman's curly hair come alive! It was full of body and bounce. Simply beautiful!

See all the sand on Grandma Sue? That's there courteous of Cayman.

Cayman's sand toys.

Someone made this cool sand sculpture.

Sam getting swallowed by a wave.

Myrtle Beach Vacation Part 3: The Hotel

2010-07-18T07:30:00.003-04:00

Driftwood Lodge

The Driftwood is a 75 year old hotel consisting of 3 oceanfront facilities. Much of the shores of Myrtle Beach have been rebuilt with new and big, fancy hotels. And while I would have loved a peak into some of those places {such as the Camelot by the Sea, oh so beautiful!}, staying at a simple, quaint hotel filled with age-old character was nostalgic.

Camelot by the Sea

We all loved the Driftwood hotel. And the location of it was ideal - right on the ocean front, a short walk from the boardwalk, restaurants, and shops.

Part of Mike's planning arrangements was to make sure we had a private balcony room overlooking the ocean.

Mark, Sue, and Sam's room was located directly below ours. We would have liked to have had our rooms side by side on the same level but other guest's reservations could not make that possible. Oh well.

On our first morning of waking up to the beautiful sounds of the ocean, Mike discovered if he leaned far over our balcony's edge he could peak below into his parents' private balcony.

And there he found his mom enjoying her early morning coffee, reading a book, still wearing her night shirt.

(I don't even know if Sue is aware that Mike did this and may possibly die when she discovers that I posted these pictures.)

The view from our room's balcony.

Mike and Cayman enjoying that beautiful view. I miss that view. So much.

The view of our hotel from the beach.

Myrtle Beach Vacation Part 2: The Flight

2010-07-17T12:50:00.001-04:00

Cayman enjoyed her first airplane ride I do believe. She never cried once. She just laughed and watched in amazement.

We were blessed to be surrounded by other happy travelers. I give major props to the guy who sat in front of Cayman. When we apologized for all the kicking she did, his humorous and sweet response was, "It was just like having a soothing rocking chair to put me to sleep."

Ha. Not likely I am sure. But his reaction was incredibly enduring and kind.

Have a peek at Cayman's first airplane flying experience...

A Few Myrtle Beach Vacation Highlights, Part 1

2010-07-16T14:24:00.010-04:00

**(Part 1 - Yes that does mean that there will likely be several posts about this vacation. Kind of like when you were a kid and your relatives made you sit through a slideshow of their vacation.)**

For many months, stretching far back into this past winter, Mike has been longing for a vacation. Practically begging for one at times. We would discuss it, look over the budget, and conclude that it just was not the right time. But he never gave up. He continued to search. And one day Mike found it - an incredible vacation deal that even I could not argue.

But I did have another opposing point - I'm pregnant! Which translated for me means I am feeling a lot of tiredness and some morning sickness. The thought of vacation sounded like a lot of work, mostly in taking care of Cayman on-the-go. Mike asked me, if he made sure that part was all taken care of and would not be any more hassle, would I agree to this vacation?

In what I would call a delirious pregnant moment while laying on the couch nauseous I responded, "Sure. Just don't make me have to think anymore."

The very excited Mike began to plan and make arrangements.

In order to make sure traveling with Cayman was as easiest as possible he knew we needed babysitters. And who makes for better [free] babysitters than Grandparents! :)

So Grandma Sue, Grandpa Mark, and Aunt Sam came along with us!

Our time together was so much fun! And their help with Cayman provided the relaxing vacation Mike promised this would be. And Sue is the queen of snacks and she always seemed to be carrying something that sounded good to me to eat that helped curb my nausea.

The vacation was an incredible time and I am so glad Mike insisted we take it!

The 6 of us and all of our luggage packed into our van in route to the airport.

We flew out of Detroit, Michigan straight to our vacation destination:

Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

We're On...

2010-07-12T18:42:00.009-04:00

Vacation!!

What? You didn't know we were going on vacation?

Yeah, I know, I didn't say anything about it.

I can be kind of sneaky like that.

:)

More coming later this week! Stay tuned. I'll tell you all about Cayman's first airplane ride, first swim in the ocean, and so much more!

hut hut hike!

2010-07-10T13:54:00.001-04:00

A Climbing Demonstration

2010-07-09T06:00:00.003-04:00

Cayman will now demonstrate to you how to properly and "safely" climb because she's an expert at it now.

Step 1:
Pull yourself up to a standing position.

Step 2:
Lean in deeply, pulling with all your might til you feel your toes lift off the floor!

Step 3:
Pull your legs in, contracting your abs, while breathing out. Grunting through this step might help also.

Step 4:
Take your place as queen of the hill.

A History of Ann Arbor Days

2010-07-08T10:13:00.008-04:00

I was thinking about the first time I stepped through the doors of the U of M hospital. I was 28 weeks pregnant with Cayman.

I felt tiny in this huge building, walking the long hallways.

Hugging the corner of the elevator as we rode it to the 4th floor.

Passing through several more hallways.

And finally arriving outside the doors to the high risk pregnancy clinic.

I could not have told you the way back to our vehicle.

I was lost in a place I did not want to be.

Now, it's been 2 1/2 years of experience walking those halls.

We have visited many departments -Perinatology, Neurology, Ophthalmology, Otolaryngology, Cardiology, etc.

Cayman has had 11 surgeries there.

She's taken 7 trips to the emergency room, twice by ambulance, and once flighted.

The strides Cayman has made because of that place, the familiarity of it, and the relationships created there, have made this place feel warm to me. It's not so intimidating or scary anymore.

I still might not be able to conduct a tour of the large Mott Children's Hospital at U of M, but that's simply because I have a terrible sense of direction. But at every turn there is familiarity to me and I like not feeling so lost anymore.

During Cayman's last shunt revision just a little over 2 weeks ago, there was a mother in the waiting room greatly upset for matters that I do not know all the details to. I did gather that her daughter, who looked to be about 6 years old, was soon to be admitted into the hospital for a scheduled procedure. The mom was nearly yelling at the staff, upset she did not know where to go. It was her first time there and it felt to her like no one was trying to help. The mom was asked to take a seat and they'd send someone over to assist her. She picked her daughter up and cuddled her onto her lap and said, "Oh I hate this place!"

Regardless whether I felt this mother's behavior was unacceptable in front of her young daughter who had to be feeling a fair amount of fright anyways, my heart broke for this mom.

I know that feeling.

It's the feeling of unfamiliarity.

Loneliness and uncertainty.

Feeling so small and desperate, lost in a place you really don't want to be anyways.

All of this was going through my mind yesterday when we stepped through the doors of the U of M hospital. Being pregnant again has me remembering all sorts of memories from our first trip down pregnancy lane with Cayman.

I saw the same perintologist yesterday and he got to meet our little Cayman for the first out of utero.

And we got to see the precious little blob that is our growing baby!

The head is on the right and the butt on the left.

I'm just over 8 weeks pregnant with a due date of February 15, 2011.

To birth Cayman's large head, the doctor had to perform a classical C-section cut. Because of that classical cut this baby will be born also by C-section 3 or 4 weeks before the due date {if all progresses as planned of course}. The doctor said 10% of all women with a history of a classical cut experience the uterus ribbing open during contractions.

Sounds lovely, doesn't it?

The risks of that are icky of course..death for the baby, potential brain damage, bleeding for the mom.

So the doctors want to take the baby before labor would begin for those said reasons. I thought that was a good idea too! I'm praying my body will be predictable and not go into labor earlier than they think.

There are times when the 2 hour drive to Ann Arbor just feels too far!

I learned yesterday that there is valuable things that happen for the baby when the mom goes into labor. There seems to be a natural communication that signals the baby's lungs to start to clear out the amniotic fluid and get ready to breathe fresh air for the first time. When labor never happens the baby's lungs are born with fluid in them. To help combat this issue and to insure the development of the baby's lungs for the earlier delivery, I'll get those steroid shots to help speed up the lung development.

So many things to think about.

So many things to pray about.

But I can tell you, when I am not laying on the couch nauseous, I feel like I am positively glowing over the miracle of life that is happening inside of me!

I'm so happy!

Announcing...A New Arrival!

2010-07-06T19:21:00.007-04:00

My niece. Cayman's newest cousin. My sister's first baby. Grandma Cindy's second grandbaby.

Makenna Anniyah

Born just today (7.6.2010)
Weighing 6 lbs. 12 oz.
20 1/2 inches long

"Congratulations Stacey and Dan!"

{And for the record, Cayman feels the same about baby Makenna as she does for her other baby cousin, Ty. Pictures of that are on Stacey's camera.}

The Case of the Randoms

2010-07-03T22:29:00.004-04:00

I have enjoyed my break from the computer but have missed it just the same. My low energy level has me lacking in the ability to write a coherent post but I'm posting anyways because it has been a whole week since my last posting! That's a long time for me!

Cayman is doing amazing. She is really showing us how good she is feeling since this last shunt revision.
She has fully mastered crawling and has even picked up some speed with it. We no longer see her belly slither. When she cruises with speed on the hardwood floors, her hands and knees have this way of clopping against the floor rapidly creating all sorts of noise as she propels herself forward in this unbounded flurry of energy she has. You hear her coming before you see her. The entertainment level is high and I adore watching her move herself around so independently in such a natural way.
Growing a baby has taken all sorts of energy from me. I feel forced to nap everyday when Cayman sleeps or I suffer severe nausea later. Don't get me wrong, I love napping but I also saw that time as a chance to get a lot of stuff done while free of toddlerness. Sleeping through those free hours has resulted in one very messy house. I miss my house being clean and everything in order. But for now I just do what I have to do to get through each day. (A big thank you to my mother-in-law for cleaning my kitchen for me yesterday!)
I am married to a man that makes my life so beautiful. He has patiently cooked so many different meals for me, has done all the grocery shopping, and never complains when I wake him up in the night to rub my back when I am having trouble sleeping.
Cayman climbs now. She climbs onto the ottomans, the couch, the coffee table.
I am trying to ward of the frustration of having a house that needs so much work but little room in the budget for any of it right now.
My food cravings have died completely down and I honestly miss them. It was the only time when eating something actually tasted good. My taste buds have all gone bad it would seem as nothing tastes right anymore. The cravings were sort of an adventure to experience. I would wake up each day and think, "I wonder what it's going to be today."
I have my first O.B. appointment this upcoming week. I was supposed to have it a couple weeks ago. The day after we brought Cayman home from the hospital in fact but I was too tired to make the trip back to Ann Arbor for it so I rescheduled. I am really excited about the appointment! I anticipate some nervousness will creep in too as I return to the very office that holds so many memories of my pregnancy with Cayman. But I like that it reminds me of one of the greatest miracles I have ever gotten to experience - Cayman's life.
I am so excited that Mike has a 3 day weekend!
I have been dabbling at the idea of doing a complete blog makeover. I created a separate site for chronicling my pregnancy journey for this current baby but I know me, I do not manage more than one site well. I enjoy blogging much more if I can slap down my stuff in one spot.
This time of the year always has me feeling so blessed and lucky in life. I think everyone has experienced events in their life so significant and profound that shape their lives forever. This past Wednesday marked the 16th anniversary of one of those events in my life. June 30, 1994. It was the day I was severely injured in a car accident. I learned more about my God and myself through that single event in my life. He is still showing me new ways He uses it to teach me. I am a better mom to my baby girl because of it! Perhaps someday I will share more of that part of my life with you.

Have a safe and happy 4th of July!!

Watching some Pre 4th of July Fireworks

2010-06-27T18:56:00.004-04:00

Pointing at the fireworks

I love the way Cayman points at everything now...

At fireworks.

At dogs.

At cats.

At bald men. (Uh, yeah. That ones been a bit awkward.)

The One Where I Dig a Little Deeper Into My Feelings

2010-06-24T22:43:00.004-04:00

I am feeling a lot of emotion today. Maybe it's pregnancy. Maybe it's what life has been for us in the last couple of months. Maybe it's how uncertain the future feels.

I thought I would just write. Get it untangled from my mind.

You see, I love my little girl so much, in the most profound and tender way. My love for her is big. Really big. But you already know that. Her spirit has carved such sweetness and joy into our lives and I find myself trying to protect her in ways that I know I can't.

I have trouble shaking the image of that early morning in May when life stopped for Cayman.

I can barely breath passed the lump in my throat. What a mother feels when her child is in danger is a strong and awful thing.

It is bothersome to me that the thing that caused Cayman's life to almost pass from here will always remain a threat to her. There is no cure for her hydrocephalus. She will always need a shunt to treat it. That shunt has no guarantees that it will not fail her. It already has six times in the past.

I don't want to live my days in worry but I have to admit I am struggling. I want there to be a fix to this. For a child that drowns but is successfully revived, you would get them swimming lessons or stay on high alert whenever a pool of water is around. Taking action to prevent that from ever happening again.

A shunt failure? I can't protect against that. There is absolutely nothing I can do. I do not want to belittle prayer by saying that because I do think it is powerful. It's just not tangible nor in my control. I have much measure in growth and maturity to do yet, learning to let go and trust God.

I find myself clinging to my little family, scared that in any moment everything might change. At home I take everything in under a safety precaution.

I've slammed the door shut to the basement stairs, upset that I found it left open again. The fan has been put above Cayman's reach. The rocking ottoman she likes to climb onto is pushed back into a corner when I leave the room. I check her buckles repeatedly after securing her in her car seat. At an intersection I look both directions multiple times on a vacant, open country road. I kiss Mike just one more time before he leaves the house. And if I forget to say to him "be safe" I call his cell phone because somehow it feels more secure to me if it's spoken. And now carrying a newly forming life inside of me makes it all feel even more fragile. I google nearly everything before I eat it, touch it, or breath it.

I remember very specifically what I prayed for all those months when I was pregnant with Cayman. In my human and limited thinking I asked God to give Cayman a normal brain. To take her hydrocephalus away.

We never saw any improvements.

At each ultrasound I thought to myself, "Maybe this time it will be different."

It was different but not in the way I was looking for. Cayman's hydrocephalus kept getting worse.

Much, much worse.

I had asked God to take it away but I felt Him say, "I have something different in mind. It's okay you cannot understand it right now. Just wait. And trust. Keep looking to me. This is going to bring me glory! It's going to further your testimony and point others to me. It's going to be better. It's going to be bigger. Just wait and see."

That day, I surrendered with a big obedient, "Yes!" to my Lord. And some days since then, it's taken small yeses here and there to remind myself there is a bigger picture to all of this than what I can see.

I do have faith of that.

And on those days when I need that reminder, just like today, I talk with God, spilling out all my fears yet again. He gently urges me to remember that He alone determines our days and that while it is good to be a mindful parent and wife, the pressure I place on myself to believe that I can be in complete control is a lie.

So here I sit quietly. Humbled. Praising the One that shows me over and over that He is the only One in complete control over Cayman's life.

He is the reason that she is a statistical medical miracle.

He is the reason that Mike made it through a recent car accident safely.

He is the reason I can trust that this little baby is growing deep inside of me exactly the way He wants him or her to.

In my weakly flesh I want so badly to push forward to the day when we will have an ultrasound that would give me a peace of mind that everything is developing okay.

In my heart...deep down in that place of knowing...I know I must trust. I must have faith. God has a specific plan and He's so big that nothing can stop His plans when He has a willing servant standing before Him.

Oh boy, am I willing!

There is so much God is trying to show me.

But when I am looking at my world through eyes of worry I wonder how many things I am missing.

"Lord, I am thankful that your strength is perfect when my strength is gone."

A Little Carnival

2010-06-23T22:00:00.000-04:00

I think you would agree, I am overdue for a good Cayman post.

So here are some pictures and even a video of a mini carnival we attended last week.

Cayman rode her first pony. She did not like it, as you can see from the look on her face!

She was so traumatized by her live-pony riding experience, she refused to even sit on a carousel pony. So Daddy and her enjoyed the rounds from the seated bench position.

One thing for sure Cayman liked was the Berry-Go-Round ride. Our stuffed berry was filled by Mike, Cayman, me, CeCe, Sam, and Sidney. Obviously, I rode this before my real nausea kicked in. I would not be able to do that now. But it was tolerable and fun then and I'm glad I got to experience it on Cayman's first time.

Home Again

2010-06-22T14:00:00.002-04:00

Cayman has been discharged from the hospital! She is feeling much, much better. Thank you again for praying. We serve a big God.

Please forgive me for my lack of updating. This pregnancy has really taken the wind out of me. It's just normal stuff - tiredness, nausea.

At the hospital I spent a fair amount of time just trying to keep everything down. I had not been feeling this sick until Cayman went into the hospital so I am sure it is due to the stress of the situation. It has seemed to amplify the pregnancy symptoms and I hope after returning to normalcy at home it will subdue again for me.

Another Shunt Revision

2010-06-21T22:10:00.005-04:00

Well, here's a redundant story...

Cayman is back in the hospital.

Late afternoon on Sunday Cayman woke up from her nap just not acting like her usual rested self. Then she vomited. Within seconds we threw stuff in the vehicle and out the door we went to the local E.R.

They transported us by ambulance to the U of M hospital.

We spent the night in their E.R. until about 4:30 a.m. when Cayman was admitted into the PICU.

At 11 a.m. she went into surgery.

She still has a VP shunt. Yippee! That's a very good thing! But she is back to a programmable shunt now.

Since surgery...

She has eaten some.

Drank a little.

Played peek-a-boo a few times.

And has slept a lot.

If all continues as planned, we'll be going home tomorrow.

Shunt and Ears

2010-06-16T15:33:00.008-04:00

Touching noses with the pig that the MRI team gave Cayman.

Cayman's MRI scan yesterday showed definite improvement in her ventricle sizes!

That was the most relieving news to hear!

The scan gave us tangible, reassuring results that her shunt is not failing.

There is still a significant pocket of fluid accumulated around the shunt. While the doctor does not like to see that, he feels confident to say that the shunt is working well. Likely, the build up of fluid around the shunt is due to something called back pressure.

I'll try my best to explain. It took me a couple of rounds before I finally got it.

It is a type of pressure than can resist the flow of fluid within the shunt. During the last shunt surgery (5.10.10), the programmable shunt which had been set on 1.5 for over a year, was replaced with a fixed shunt at that same setting. However, it seems that there is a difference of pressure within her blood vessel (VA shunt) versus her belly (VP shunt). The setting that regulated the flow perfectly while it was in her blood vessel might be too weak of a setting for it to drain the fluid properly in her abdomen.

Since the pressure on her brain looks healthy though and has even improved since last week's scan, the doctor wants to wait to take action just yet.

This back pressure will do one of two things:

1.) It may improve and eventually balance itself out. By waiting to see if this happens would spare Cayman of another shunt surgery.

or

2.) It may just remain as it is. Not getting worse. Not getting any better. In which case the doctor would then schedule Cayman for surgery to change the shunt's valve setting.

Overall, I am relieved about this.

Her shunt is not failing.

Her brain is not under pressure.

That takes a lot of worry off my mind.

I slept more peacefully last night. It was the reassurance I have been hoping to hear and I praise my Jesus for receiving it!

That might sound a little off the rocker since we are potentially looking at another shunt surgery but the difference as to why I am at ease about this all has to do with the level of seriousness. The back pressure would cause Cayman to be scheduled for surgery.

'Scheduled' is quite a different kind of stress than an emergency surgery over a failed shunt.

I can handle a scheduled surgery over a shunt that is not getting worse but should be working a little better.

That, that I can handle!

What I don't ever want to "handle" again is another shunt failure like the last one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Checking out her ears with the toy otoscope.

Cayman also had her appointment with the Ears, Nose, and Throat (ENT) doctor yesterday.

We have been trying to get this appointment accomplished since April. It's been rescheduled for so many different reasons that kept coming up. It's also the appointment that we have been 'practicing' for with the toy otoscope at home.

At her last Audiologist appointment Cayman hated her ears being messed with. She had to be restrained and that brought her to tears of fear and frustration.

I hated seeing her like that.

So I bought her a toy doctor kit, specifically one with a otoscope in its collection.

And we played 'doctor'.

So on this appointment with the ENT, we took along that toy otoscope. I gave it to Cayman to hold while the doctor examed her ears.

She cooperated beautifully!

I wish you could have seen my smile. It stretched from ear to ear. It gave me such a good feeling to watch Cayman sit there unrestrained in that chair and calmly let the doctor look at her ears.

The toy otoscope idea was a success and my little Cayman braved what she once feared so greatly!

Pregnancy Craving

2010-06-14T15:53:00.008-04:00

Your response to our big announcement was overwhelming to us...in a good way! We thank you for rejoicing and praying with us over this baby.

I am not very far along. About 6 weeks. We had thought about not telling just yet for that reason but we could not keep the exciting news from our parents. And we knew it would be too much to ask of them to keep it a secret for more than a couple of days. So we concluded to just make the announcement before it leaked out some here and there.

I am glad we decided to tell of our news early though. So many people have told us that they have committed to pray for this baby and us as we embark on another pregnancy journey.

We are mixed with excitement and nervousness.

I am feeling great so far. The level of nausea I feel is so bearable to me. I was really sick with Cayman. I was pretty much confined to my bed, throwing up twenty-some times a day! I really hope it will not be like that for me again!

For now, my nausea can be satisfied by simply eating salsa.

I have consumed an unbelievable amount of homemade salsa in the last 4 weeks.

Tomatoes.

Morning.

Noon.

And night.

Apparently it is the main object of my pregnancy cravings. It was that way with Cayman and now for this baby too. In fact, my tomato driving desires is what tipped me off to buy a home pregnancy test this time around. I told Mike, "Either I'm pregnant or I am going to go on a diet!" I had been eating tomatoes like crazy for two weeks and my skinny jeans just were not fitting so well anymore.

So 'baby' and I have been endlessly enjoying our bowl fulls of homemade salsa.

Cayman does not understand how yummy it is. I try to share with her but she spits it out.

Mike, he understands how yummy it is. He has been enjoying the big batches of salsa I make too. He is so thoughtful to make certain that I have plenty before he dishes out his own.

And he always, ALWAYS makes sure I get the last serving from each batch.

I think he has remembered well from my pregnancy with Cayman the power of the hormones that can accompany a glaring eye when he once dished out the last of the salsa for himself.

He has not ever done that again! (lol)

Tomorrow...

Cayman sees the ear doctor.

But before that, she will also have another fast MRI performed, then she will see the Neurosurgeon. Her shunt is not any better. Poor kiddo.

SOOOooo...

2010-06-12T21:37:00.004-04:00

My blogging may become sporadic over the next week, or two. Or more.

It's due to several reasons.

It is due to the fact that Cayman has been having 2, 3, sometimes 4 appointments a week. It's been busy.

It is also due for the fact that I have been buried in a couple good books that I am currently reading.

It is also due for the reason that I have been so busy still trying to get my photography hobby/business started. I just do not have the time like I desire to spend on it and I have been blessed to have received such an out pour of clients coming forth. I am so behind in all the details and I just do not like that. So I will be playing catch up as I have several more photo shoots ahead of me yet. The response has meant so much to me and turns out people actually like the photos I take. Uh, who knew? It's truly a dream opportunity for me and I'm beaming from ear to ear over it and feeling some comfort that perhaps God has led me to something that can help secure our family as we pay off each year's hefty medical bills.

Additionally, my sporadic blogging will be due to the fact that Cayman's toddler-ness is in full bloom. She is keeping me busy. I am blessed to spend my entire day occupying her short attention spans, wiping marker off her precious face, sweeping my floors multiple times a day, bathing the stickiness off of her, picking up the toy trails she leaves all over the house, and fixing her like a gazillion different meals to find something that will satisfy that picky-eating palate of hers.

Cayman's first time drawing on herself.
Blue ink.

Finally, probably the main reason is due to the fact that my mind is a little preoccupied by a little something that I have been sweetly blessed with and am so excited to share with you...

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I'm DUE!

:)

Will you join us in praying?

Lots of love to you all!

~ Kristen

Hanging in the Balance is Tough

2010-06-11T19:23:00.004-04:00

Cayman's puffy shunt

Being watchful for another shunt failure has kept so many of the traumatic emotions from the last failure present for me. I feel like I am processing it all over again, fearful that we will be running those hospital halls with our lifeless Cayman in our arms.

I find myself continuously asking the doctors the same questions.

There is an inner turmoil I feel. I have so many questions and I ache for answers.

Answers feel safe to me.

If I can figure out what went wrong, or how to detect the tiny signs right away at the least, then maybe we will never experience again the seriousness of Cayman's last shunt failure.

It's my searching for some assurance.

A yearning to know how we could have prevented what was nearly the inevitable ending to Cayman's life here.

But the answers are just not that simple.

When the future feels that unknown there is always plenty of room for fear.

I shutter at the thought of Cayman's shunt failing again, which from a medical stand point is very likely sometime in her life, given her history. She is just one of those kids that seems to have an issue in that department. Then given the fact that Cayman's shunt is puffier now than it was at the beginning of the week makes us feel jumpy that we might be experiencing it again soon.

I have prayed much, with my Bible on my lap, asking God to spare us of it.

From April of 2009 to May of 2010, a whole year we experienced no shunt complications. In fact, for many weeks we had "forgotten" that Cayman had a shunt. We did not give it much thought from day to day.

I want to get back to that normalcy. It was nice!

I wish I could say that I am always strong and positive.

It has been faith stretching and future blurring.

The fear. The trust.

I have been learning much about the sinking suffocation of this fear. It's not a place built for me by my Lord, I know that fully well. I am grateful that even in that dark place I am not hidden from Him. He meets me there. I am reminded I am not alone. Sometimes that is all I need to be lifted out of the murky pit of despair. But other times I need more. And He provides then too.

His love is what holds me still.

I embrace the truth that He has plans - plans to take care of us and give us a prosperous future.

To be openly honest, embracing that does not always come naturally. Truth is, I choose to trust it because I don't know how to survive without believing that God is in control. Without Him I have no hope that the senseless matters of life will ever be brought to a benefiting purpose.

Either for in this life or the next.

More than the actual heartache itself, it pains me more to think it's all in vain. But with the Lord, I know it's not.

We are thankful for a family of God that embraces and takes care of us. We are thankful for friends and family who rejoice with us and stand by us as we experience all sorts of uncertainties.

We love you all for it!

Baby Ty, Cayman's New Cousin

2010-06-11T06:00:00.001-04:00

A little over a month ago...

We excitedly embraced the new addition on Mike's side of the family.

Our nephew

Baby Ty

Born May 5, 2010 to Cayman's Uncle Mark and Aunt Cara.

Cayman has yet to feel the same kind of excitement we do over baby Ty.

She cried when she had to sit near him.

Perhaps she's jealous of the attention he's receiving.

or

Perhaps she's freaked out that the "baby doll" moves and makes noises.

I'm not really sure.

In picture form, she smiles and points at the baby. But in person she would much rather keep baby Ty at a distance.

She's a funny girl, that Cayman is.

Today's Neurosurgeon Appointment

2010-06-10T19:14:00.008-04:00

Where do I begin?

The overall report was not the reassuring, good news we were hoping for.

Cayman's ventricle sizes are not where they typically are when they are stable. And to add to the bad news, the amount of fluid accumulating around her shunt is increasing. Those are not very reassuring signs.

HOWEVER, Cayman's temperament is more like her typical self. Also, her shunt manually pumps and refills properly. Plus her belly is free of any fluid pockets giving us more peace that the scar tissue in her abdomen is not preventing the drainage. All of that is very reassuring.

So what this all really means is that it does not for certain point to a problem being present, nor does it rule it out either.

So we continue to hang in the balance, where there is two possibilities and it's impossible to predict which direction the scale will eventually tip.

So while we continue the watch and pray at home, we will also return to the Neurosurgeon next week for another MRI to compare the ventricle sizes again.

It's 4:35 a.m.

2010-06-10T04:35:00.004-04:00

Two days ago when I talked to the Neurosurgeon's office about the changes we have seen in the appearance of Cayman's shunt, it was decided to move up her scheduled MRI. So instead of it being in two months from now it is today.

At 7 a.m.

The arrival time for these things are 15 minutes prior to the scheduled appointment.

6:45 a.m.

Which means, we are leaving our house at 4:45 a.m.

Don't ask me what time we had to wake up.

I am wishing I was a morning person or a coffee drinker at the least.

I am propelled this morning though with a type of eager energy to get these scans done. Cayman will not only have a fast MRI of her brain, she will also have a belly ultrasound performed. Two tangible results that will hopefully put our minds at ease that the shunt is working properly. I do feel confident that we will receive good news. She has been acting more like her usual self as of yesterday even though her shunt has remained puffy. But there is a little piece in the back of my mind that is afraid to let my guard down and fully believe she is okay. I do not want to miss even the tiniest of signs (if that is possible). And that is why our bags have remained pack since Monday and will be going along with us to the trip to Ann Arbor today, just in case.

But I hope to return later with good news.

The kind of news that will lift a great load off my mind.

The kind of news that will send me running and rejoicing through the halls of the hospital.

The kind of news that will make the long drive back home feel joyful that we got a "free" outing together as a family.

The kind of news that will make me fall into my soft and luscious bed at home and slumber peacefully for the first in several nights now.

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure.
-Psalm 16:9

A Scooter

2010-06-09T06:00:00.008-04:00

In response to a recent request for another Cayman video (Sherri, I'm talking about you), I scanned through my picture files and brought forth this adorable one I took over the weekend.

What would you call this thing? A toddler scooter perhaps?

Whatever it is called, Cayman loves riding it down the driveway.

I get so much entertainment out of watching her do this.

**Update to yesterday afternoon's posting:
There really has not been anymore changes. Nothing is worse, nothing is better. I see that as a good thing over all. If the shunt has for sure failed we'd be seeing things worsening. But since it's not any better, it's possible that the shunt is slowly failing. That's happened before too. Or maybe things are simply okay and something else is bothering Cayman that is making her not feel quite like her typical self. The wondering is so exhausting I admit. We continue to watch and pray. Thank you for joining us in those prayers!

Asking for Prayers While We Stay Watchful

2010-06-08T14:27:00.007-04:00

I did not want to post anything regarding this until we knew more for sure. You have shown us how much you love and care for my family and we feel so blessed by that. I never want to take you along on a roller-coaster ride of emotions unless there's a good reason for it. It didn't seem purposeful to insert drama without knowing for sure. But after many have read Mike's facebook status requesting prayer for Cayman, I thought it was only right for me to fill you in. Like I said, not for the purpose to string you along on an elevation of emotions while we stand by on high alert for signs of a shunt malfunction but I do not want you to feel left in the dark of the happenings in our lives either and think it does not matter to us how much you care for our family. We deeply feel great appreciation for our readers and the earnest prayers you have said for us.

Last night was scary! Cayman was just not her self. She went to bed a little early than her usual time.

At around 11 p.m. we heard noises coming from her room. We checked on her. It's a habit for me to examine the appearance of her shunt. Not wanting to awaken her, I left her room light off and very gently touched over top of her shunt to feel with my fingertips if there were any changes. The puffy, squish underneath my touch alarmed me and I flipped the light switch on and in an instant peered over her crib. She was still pink, breathing, and asleep.

Her shunt definitely looked different. It was a large sack of fluid ballooning from underneath of her skin.

Mike reached for his phone and dialed the on-call Neurosurgeon. I grabbed bags and discovered I can pack stuff for three people pretty rapidly.

In between all that, I lifted Cayman out of her bed trying to wake her so we could get an idea of her state of alertness.

She kept us guessing though. At times she seemed perfectly okay, laughing and clapping her hands. Then at other times she would pull at her ears, lay her head down, and stare off into space. Then she'd return to sitting up and laughing again. And then soon back to crying while grabbing at her shunt.

Oh how she keeps us on our toes.

Since the signs were not completely clear, we decided to take the 'wait and see' approach.

At about midnight Mike finally went to bed so he could get as much rest as possible before work in the morning. I stayed up with Cayman, rocking her back to sleep, and being watchful over her.

We kept our bags packed and the doctor's number close by.

All it would have taken was for her to throw up once and we would have been out the door and on our way to the hospital.

Very likely, all this extra fluid accumulating around her shunt could be normal and will resolve itself. But for the fact that it has suddenly appeared at the same time Cayman is not quite herself has put us in a high alert status to watch her closely.

I feel so exhausted and terribly frightened. I never want to have to know the strength it takes to bury my child. I feel burdened that I have that on my mind right now.

I keep reminding myself that God is with us. He has not changed.

In the mean time, could you pray for us and our sweet little girl, that all of this can just turn out to be no more than signs of over reacting parents.

I am crying because I know you will and I feel a deep appreciation to you all!

Love,

Kristen

We chose Frame...

2010-06-08T06:00:00.003-04:00

Number Three!

It must have been the obvious choice. Hands down, it was the one the commenters yesterday mentioned the most.

Now we wait for the order to arrive. Possibly up to 2 weeks. I'm anxious for them to get here and see if they make any difference for Cayman.

Trying on Some Frames

2010-06-07T06:00:00.003-04:00

There were four pairs of glasses Cayman tried on...

Number One:

A darker colored metal frame, a sort of antique bronze shade.
This was the shocked face she made when Grandma Sue placed the first pair of glasses on her face. The expression cracked us up!

Number Two:

Another metal framed pair but in blue.
Grandma Sue thought she looked like Harry Potter.

Number Three:

A pinkish shade of color in a plastic frame.

Number Four:

A tan color in a plastic frame.

Hmmm....

Which one do you think we chose?

Ophthalmology Appointment

2010-06-04T06:00:00.009-04:00

Cayman's latest eye appointment has turned up the need for her to wear prescription eye glasses.

We've been giggling over the thought of how cute she's going to look in them. And we've also been scratching our heads in the wonderment of how we are going to get her to keep them on.

Her previous appointment to the Ophthalmologist (and I cannot believe I just spelled that word correctly without the aid of spell check) was in December. Since then her vision has decreased in her right eye. As her brain uses it less and less to focus with it has begun to turn in, giving her what we most commonly know as a 'lazy eye' (amblyopia).

She has been very far sighted in both eyes.

Now her left eye is lessening in far sightedness while her right eye remains very far sighted. The difference in depth perception between the eyes is causing the decline in her right eye.

And there's an explanation why.

Here it is...

She has something called a myelinated nerve fiber layer in her left eye. It's the continuing of the insulation wrapping that is around all nerve fibers. Normally this wrapping stops at the place where the nerve enters the eye. In rare occasions, this insulation continues enveloping the nerve as it passes through the eye.

Puzzled by this, I asked the doctor, "It sounds like a bad thing, but her left eye is doing so well in vision, so is this is a good thing for that left eye?"

He said, "It depends on which angle you look at it."

This extra layer around the nerve fiber has lessened Cayman's far sightedness in that effected left eye. While that is actually a positive thing when considering only that individual eye, it's a negative thing in account that eyes should work in pairs though. Her right eye cannot focus as her body favors the stronger left eye's vision.

Since she cannot focus both eyes together the doctor wants to try glasses to see if that helps correct the depth perception and hopefully prevent vision loss in her right eye.

If there is no changes with the glasses we'll move onto patching.

If that doesn't work he'll start talking surgery.

I feel I'm getting a small degree in ophthalmology now too.

Next up on the education list is otolaryngology, the ear doctor. In a week we will return to their office to do further investigation as to why Cayman's tympanogram continues to come back abnormally.

By the end of this very long, two and a half hour eye doctor appointment yesterday, my tired, loaded mind was feeling overwhelmed. On the drive home everything was rolling through my brain...

The eye sight issues.

The possible hearing issues.

The gross and fine motor skill issues.

The thumb issues.

The speech issues.

The shunt issues.

The cardiac arrest issue.

But with just one glance in my rear view mirror, the image of my little, pink Cayman buckled in the backseat melted the consuming stress away.

Even on the days when it's not always so easy, I can always say it's so worth it! Most of it feels quite small in light of the fact that she is still with us. That alone makes life sweet just as it is!

You will not find me complaining.

Overwhelmed at times, maybe yes.

But not consumed or defeated.

I am grateful for each way God has given me all the order and disorder, so that I might know both. Somehow He perfectly allows the disorder just long enough for me to realize and wholly appreciate the light, the courage, and the joy of each day.

My heart remains full of praise to my Lord that has blessed me in ways I am still learning new each day!

Baby Pool

2010-06-03T06:00:00.001-04:00

We have had some hot, hot humid days. The kind of steamy stickiness that makes you want to dive into a nice, sparkling blue pool.

It's satisfying to me. I was bred for this warm weather.

Cayman's belly incision cannot be submerged in water until it's fully healed. The baby pool we bought for her birthday this past March is perfect for that reason.

I would call it a mat really, not so much a pool. The great thing is, her stomach is never under water with it.

It really is a cool little item. The garden hose hooks into it and fills portions of the mat up with water. Within those filled channels there are tiny holes that allow the water to escape creating a sprinkler effect. The height of the sprinklers are controlled by changing the water pressure through the hose.

You can see how well Cayman likes it though (below). She would much rather have the water warmed first before she has to sit in it. She might need to start taking some cooler temperature baths to build up her thermal sensitivities.

Li'l Squirt Baby Pool from One Step Ahead

Post-Surgical Follow-Up

2010-06-02T06:00:00.002-04:00

Life (a.k.a. the last three weeks) with a VP shunt has been beautiful. We are completely warmed by the wonderful feeling that it is working for Cayman. I feel more at ease now. With a VA shunt I always carried in the back of my mind that someday Cayman would outgrow it - it would need to be replaced. Plus there's some icky risks to having it in a vessel surrounding the heart. It's so much better that it's in her belly now.

We returned to the Neurosurgeon's office last week for her post-op checkup.

She tipped the scale, weighing in at 22 pounds! That's HUGE! Not so much literally obviously as it is figuratively. I've written in the past about the eating struggles we go through with her. It felt like victory to see her finally push past the 20 pound mark!

I captured a few pictures of Cayman with her Neurosurgeon, the most wonderful doctor I can ever imagine. I wish I could introduce him to you all. I'm so proud to call him Cayman's Neurosurgeon. He is simply a wonderful man!

I never did get a great shot without Cayman's hands in front of her face. She just couldn't stop playing peek-a-boo and clapping.

What a sweetheart that kid is! So full of life!

And so are we!